Well I tried

So the past few weeks I've been trying to swim. This week is completely unsuccessful... on Monday, it storms, on Tuesday, it rains, on Wednesday, is storms, on Thursday, in storms. Saturday and Sunday we're supposed to be clear. Never fear, I think I can swim yet!

Saturday, I do swim. SUCCESS!!!  Sunday, I wake up to swim and it says storms at noon. I get dressed, go to the pool, begin my workout ...the rain starts. It was down pouring-imagine Forrest Gump raining from below- that kind of rain.

I get out and look at the time, its only ten...the lightning and thunder start.

Here's where I get proud of myself. Instead of jumping in the car and driving home, I did aerobics under the pool shelter. I put on some jams, danced for fifteen more minutes and cooled down.

The scale might still say "fat" but my body is stronger. My mind is stronger. I am still waiting for the storm to pass but I don't give up as quickly and that's a great thing.

The accountant and the carpenter.

Over the past few months, I've been tracking how I do. I haven't made vast improvements but I have made minor ones.


I've been more accountable with what I do with my life. If I eat something, I track it. If I exercise, I track it. If I don't move that day, I try to eat less that day.


Since I analyze diets and lifestyles everyday, I have been trying to analyze mine. When  I use these "care plans" as we call them, I want to see checks in all the  left side of the left columns of the form and check marks on all the right side of the right columns.  This is just an easy way to see what the patient needs to work on. I have been using these forms for myself.


On the front side of the form, we analyze the diet and medical history, write a statement of the patient, and then on the back, we code their risks and write our education and nutritional goals that the patient set.


These are my care plans...the front side....you can't really tell but I'm extremely proud of the goals I set and the accomplishments I've made. From the beginning of the year, I've decreased eating out significantly and have increased fruits and vegetables. I've also increased exercise. The one I did today, I could have checked "most days" but I don't feel that I'm exercising enough to qualify for that....but if I had a patient that exercised as much as I do, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and put most days...


So I'm constructing a new diet day by day and I'm becoming accountable for my actions (oh yeah, I'm the accountant and the carpenter...)

"I'm worried about you..."***Delete if revealed***

This is a bitching post. I apologize in advance. I try not to bitch about stuff like this but this time, it was necessary.


I have a friend...from high school. We've known each other for 15 years now-literally half of my life. Sometimes, things are said incorrectly and I get mad at her.


In high school, she hid my car keys and told a teacher I was going to go smoke pot...I wasn't but I had to promise the teacher that I wouldn't smoke pot ever...I ended up not being a good friend again until 2004 when we were sophomores in college.


I lost a lot of weight in 2006- about 60lbs-and she said the comment "I'm so happy, I was really worried about you." This is not something you should say to me...


It took me a while to recover from this comment. You might not understand...but I am sensitive about my weight and I'm aware I need to get down to a healthy weight.


Last night, said friend and I hung out. We typically get together when her husband is working out of town. I'm like the "back up" to the husband. (Skinny and I have a different relationship. We love to hang out together but we have respect for friendship so if a friend wants to hang out or if we want to hang out with someone, we make time for them as long as it's not date night.)


This is the true story of my date...with her....

Let's just start with the list of things that happened. 

#1 Jackets

I wore my hoodie and then I had a fleece jacket over it. This is my usual. I wear the hoodie as almost a shirt. I love the zipper hoodie. The fleece jacket was really my outer wear. Friend says "I like the um...2 jacket. Is this your new style or is this just a mess up?" I laugh it off and point out that the hoodie hood is even on top of the fleece jacket. Really it's because I'm too cheap to buy a jacket because I am not committed to the size I am right now. 

We ate at a habachi place. Normally, I can't even eat half of my meal but Skinny eats the remainder. Since he wasn't there, I asked for a box to take it home. She then asked if we could do ice cream. I told her I was full but I would go with her. 

#2 Ice cream

During this ride, as she's finishing her blizzard (and she finished her meal too btw), the conversation goes as follows:

Friend: Good for you for being good.

Me: I'm not "being good"; I'm just not hungry. 

Friend: No, I'm a terrible friend because I'm eating ice cream while you're being good. 

Me: You should enjoy your ice cream. If you want ice cream, enjoy it. I'm not being good, I just am not hungry-I had a huge meal and couldn't even finish it. 

Friend: I'm proud of you for being good. I know you don't want to talk about it but I've been really worried about you.

Me: We can't talk about this. 

Friend: No, I know and I don't want to make it awkward but I do really worry. I know you make jokes about your size but I do worry. 

Me: Me and you can not talk about this. 

Friend: I know. I'm just happy that you're trying. 

Me: I'm not trying. I'm just not hungry. 

Friend: I know I've struggled with my weight too and I want you to know if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you. 

Me: No, I don't want to talk about it. I'm not trying. I'm not hungry. I'm fine with who I am. I don't want to talk about it with you though. Even when I was thinner, I did not want to talk about it. If I gain weight, I don't want to talk about it. If I lose weight, I don't want to talk about it. I am me for who I am and I don't want to talk about it with you. 

Friend: I know but I'm here for you and I do worry. 

I kid you not. I don't think I could have made it more clear....I talk about my weight with my sisters and 3 of my best friends.

#3 Drugs

I told her about how I'm just not hungry since getting back on my medication (which is known as a diabetic drug but is used for other stuff too). She said she didn't know I was on it and asked how long I had been on it. I told her off and on for a year and a half but I've been doing great with it this time. One of the side effects of said drug is diarrhea....lots and lots of diarrhea when you start taking it. (Seriously, like 4 weeks of waking up everynight at 2-3am with the worst smelling diarrhea that you just wish you could sleep pooping cause life would be easier.) When I told her I was on it because of my ovaries, she said "I didn't know you had anything wrong." I explained to her some of this information and she proceeds to tell me that she feels like she doesn't know me at all sometimes and we're friends and we should share this stuff. She feels I'm very secretive and friends share this information (I think I forget that I'm her only friend but I have lots of friends I talk with regularly that know so much about my life...I feel very "non secretive" really)

Can I just say that I felt everyone knew I had this issue.... I'm pretty open about it. I think nothing about it. It's just part of my history and my life and live perfectly fine. 

#4 Children...

Friend: You'd make such a good mom

Me: Yeah and I feel bad for depriving the world from another awesome mom. 

Friend: Are you sure you don't want kids

Me: Skinny and I are good with it what we have

Friend: But you don't want kids?

Me: I don't really want to raise kids here 

Friend: Then move to where you want to raise them. Move home. 

Me: I couldn't just up and move. My life is here. 

Friend: Make your life where you want it. Move home.

Me: I like my life. Plus, Skinny doesn't want to move. 

Friend: You can move without him. 

Me: Um...I'm not moving without Skinny. 

Friend: He doesn't have to come with you.

Me: I'm not leaving Skinny. 

Friend: And you don't want kids?

Me: I don't plan on having kids. Skinny doesn't want them either. 

Friend: SO SKINNY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE KIDS?!?

Me: He doesn't like kids. I was told it would be difficult, we're very happy with what we have. I love my little life. 

Friend: Did he tell you this while you were dating!??!

Me: Yes, we are both aware and made this decision together. We are happy with our furbabies. 

Friend: But you would make such a good mom!

Me: And I do with my little ones. We're happy how we are.

Lets just say this conversation went on for a while...

So you remember how I said that the friend doesn't realize that she's hurt my feelings? She made fun of my clothes, addressed my weight, told me to move without my husband, and told me she didn't feel like she knew me at all...THAT was my friday night. 

The first rule of improvisation is AGREE. Always agree and SAY YES.

Tina Fey. She's an amazing person.

I'm trying to improve my life. I've been walking more...and by more, I mean in the past week, I've had 4 days where I did well over 10000 steps. This isn't that big of a deal but it is to me for some reason.

If I'm normally trying to improve life, cause I seem to always trying to improve life, why did I made the title about improv?

Why? Well because 4 of those times walking are because someone asked me to go walking and I didn't say no. Instead. I SAID YES. I said yes to the shoes and yes to the doggie poop bags. I said yes to trying.

I wasn't very proud of this while walking with my best friend and my sweet neighbor. I WAS proud when I said yes tonight. Another neighbor asked me to walk with her and her daughter. I like them a lot but they walk faster than me. I knew they walked faster than me, but I said "Sure! Let me get my shoes on!" and I gave it a try.

When I say she walks faster than me, I understate it!

I'm still tired. The dog and I were both tired when we got home. I feel good though. I feel like I accomplished something. I'll do it again. One day....maybe Saturday!

Well that's a new craving.

I've been doing my 100 day project for the past few days-trying to eat better. Trying to snack healthier. Trying to exercise when I can....I have succeeded. I've been walking for about 10-15 minutes after meals. I've been taking my breakfast and lunch. I have lost a pound! It's crazy. I mean I'm not back down yet but I'm not gaining. :)


What I found insane was my recent craving-GREEK YOGURT!


I never thought the day would come where I would crave that...I'm already getting pumped about tomorrow's lunch.


Skinny and I were debating eating out tonight or going to the store. We went to the store. Yes. We went to the store.


So I feel like I'm making better decisions. 5 days down. 95 to go!


I will be a model health specialist.

2014 is going to be bigger and better than ever!

Well...I hope it is in one way. In other ways, I hope not...


This year, I tried not to make resolutions I wouldn't keep. I mean what's the point of me saying "THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR! I'm going to get the weight off and make it amazing!" when reality is that every year should be my year and I should make it amazing even if I'm fat or not.


I wanted to read more and cook more. This has turned into me reading too many books on my kindle (DANG YOU AMAZON) and spending my monthly allowance by almost the first week.


I've read the Divergent series and The Selection and The Elite...I'm reading a book now on PCOS.


It's interesting. I never thought about it before but I know my PCOS makes my weight loss hard. I'm revamping stuff. I want to wait until I've wrapped my head all around it but I know it's worthy of trying. If I eat for my body, then my body will be better.


I have been wearing my fitbit as a background for what I'm doing daily versus what I'll be doing after I read the book. I've also been focusing on moving more and eating at home more. It's been successful. I am aiming for 10,000 steps a day and I'm getting between 2,000 and 6,000.


Crazy. just crazy.


But yes-I will be making everyday a great day. Life is only worth living if you live a life. No more hiding. No more making excuses. I'm worthy of life.

OTTNOFW

2014 is rapidly approaching...I mean like 12 hours away.

It's been a good year. I've maintained my 15 lb weight loss. Skinny has gained a couple of pounds back. We've accrued an adorable girl dog to join our handsome little guy. We've paid officially paid 7%  of our house. We've built a patio. We've found hobbies we love. I've learned more foods I'll eat. Skinny has become more social. We've spent more time with both families. We've made friends with our neighbors. We've stocked our kitchen.

It's been a good year!

One of the things I'm most proud of is my ability to get over petty things. I've learned to love little things again and not worry about if someone likes me or not. I've started showing the world the real me. I love this girl.

I don't know what next year will entail but I do hope I eat at home more and volunteer more.