The Hunger Games

I finally finished listening to The Hunger Games on cd. (Yeah I listen to books on cd in the car-get over it). What I took away from the book is different than what some might have taken. Yes, there's the oppression of the main figures and the sadness for the lost but there's the concept of hunger.

I've never been hungry.

I've had my tummy rumble and blood sugar has been low, I've gotten headaches and even thrown up;  but, I've never worried about where my next meal is going to come from. I know-it's either my kitchen or someone else's kitchen.

What is it like to think you're going to die from hunger? I look at my life and think of all the food I've wasted and the glutton I've been.

It saddens me. I work with poverty everyday. I put myself in their shoes frequently and I think we take for granted all we have.

Next week is Thanksgiving. For those not from the USA, here's what Thanksgiving is: it's a holiday we sit around and eat.

Yes...that's it. We have an entire holiday to eat. We don't eat healthy either. We eat Turkey with Gravy and Stuffing. We eat casseroles and pies. Everything has extra butter or cream in it.

Normally, I struggle on Thanksgiving because I have to try very hard not to eat all the corn that my mom makes. This year, we're spending it with Skinny's family. I almost feel like it's going to be a piece of cake. My momma can cook. Skinny's family cooks fine but it's not my momma's corn. In fact, there won't even be corn there.

There will be mashed potatoes but they're "Loaded Mashed Potatoes" which don't sound good to me at all cause I like mine light and fluffy with milk and butter.

The pies are all "fall pies" like Sweet Potato or Pumpkin *YUCK* not the thin cookies I love from my Cousin Phyllis.

There will be string bean casserole. There will be salad. There will be Turkey. All of these I can avoid. In fact, I'm more likely to undereat than overeat this year.

At the same time, there are Americans that don't get to celebrate this holiday. I try to do what I can only help so much. I only get $50/mo to spend on whatever I want and a lot of that goes to birthday gifts and Christmas gifts or other charities.

Unlike some of my posts, there is no mass revelation for me. I just think that we should try to help where we can and realize the glutton and fortune some of us experience. Hm...maybe there is a point to this rambling after all.

You've got a friend in me

I feel like I should dedicate the day to friendship. Since I started training, I've had some great support from a few people.

This morning, I was feeling glum for a second. I have been running well and feel like I'm getting further but I feel very heavy. I am heavy. I'm aware I'm heavy but I don't need to remind myself of it all the time. So I was talking to one of my bestiest most awesomeist roommates ever and I told her how I felt. Her response: 

"Yay for making progress with jogging, excellent work! Heck, I used to feel heavy when I jogged, too, but over time it will go away. you'll start running and your thoughts will take you to all sorts of places before you realize, "wait...Im jogging and I'm like a gazelle!!" the hardest part is getting started and you've already overcome that portion, so rock on my friend!"

I just think it's exactly what I needed to hear. She's not big by any means so if she feels heavy, I'll feel better one day.



My Besties! (My fellow F is my 5k friend and my B has done some too)

I started thinking about friendships and how they impact things. Recently, Skinny has been playing A LOT of video games. He spends all day with his friends at work, gets online, and plays all night with them. He has been very happy with how much they want to hang out with him. So that's good friendship support for him.

I have started feeling neglected and unloved but then I talk to my friends and am reminded of how loved I really am. Even if Skinny isn't showing it, people love me and support me. I should say that Skinny is supporting me through texts occasionally with the 5k training....just no emotional support right now. It's just a stage.

At work, I've watched friendships really mess things up. There was a "situation" that got out of hand and one group has had to turn on each other. Now, one of the girls in the group is getting married and the rest aren't doing anything for her for the wedding. (We were only given 2 weeks notification so the office didn't have much time). I put together a few decorations and got a card for everyone to sign. As my boss was leaving, she realized that her "friends" hadn't signed it so she went and asked them to sign-saying she thought that the girls feelings would be very hurt if they didn't sign it. She was right. I'm glad they signed it.

What I've found with my friendships is that they help me through the hard times. They help me through the good times. They are the family I always wanted. I love when they give advice. I love when they ask for advice. I love when they make me laugh. I love that I know that even if I'm mad at them this week, I'll be over it in a few days and we will continue to make each others lives enjoyable.

Since it's thankful November on The Facebook, DelightfulD and I were chatting about what we would be thankful for...

DD:  "I am thankful FatWife doesn't feel the need to give a daily update on what she's thankful for."
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD doesn't bitch about her pregnancy"
DD:  "I'm thankful for FatWife's concern as to whether or not I was still alive or if I blew up my house"
FW:  I'm thankful that DelighfulD thinks I'm smart enough how to use a gas fireplace"
DD: "I'm thankful that FatWfife supplies a free fireworks show every july 4"
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD makes _____ happy and puts up with a crazy mother in law all out of love"
DD: "I am thankful that FatWife provides a nice, somewhat loving home for a cat she can't stand"
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD lets me bitch about said cat"
DD: "I'm thankful that FatWife counsels the destitute and downtrodden every day at her job"

After that...we started getting silly.

But for 10 minutes, I laughed so hard, I forgot the bad aspects of the day and remembered how the little things in life are free. Friendship is free. Soak it up!



Soaking up friendship at a photobooth...

Oh to be beautiful...

As you know, I have 2 "kids"- my beautiful little girl and my cute little boy. They each have such different personalities.

My boy is neurotic, smart, easily excited, always concerned, overly confident, and a cuddler.

My little girl is beautiful, quiet, small, independent yet needy.

There are things about both of them I wish I could change. He is aggressively protective of me; he won't let you cut his nails; he chases light to the point of jumping on walls, he barks at neighbors outside the house. She whines if I leave her with Skinny; she won't let you know when she has to go out; she is scared of everything and has a loud bark if encouraged.

I love them both differently. I can take her for walks with me without worrying that she's going to bite someone. I can trust he's not going to pee or poop inside. I know she will be so excited to see me that she looks like her life is now complete. I know he will curl up and cuddle with me when it's time to go to bed.

But she has a way easier life.

Everyone that has spent time with my boy knows how fun and sweet he is on the inside. They know that he'll cuddle with him while they watch TV. They know he'll play with any dog or person. The moment they meet her, they don't care about him anymore. My parents are guilty of this, my in laws are guilty, my friends are guilty. They all talk about how she's so sweet.

The truth is, she loves me. She follows me around the house. She is soft and will sit if you hold her in your lap. BUT...she's not sweet. In fact, she is the one that tries to get the boy to play everytime. If he's napping, she'll come up and bite his face or his legs, take his toy, do whatever to wake him up to play. If he's getting attention, she bites him until you pay attention to her. She doesn't want to cuddle with you. She wants to know you exist but she doesn't want to touch you when she sleeps.

He is the sweet one-even if he can be an asshole. He's the one that sleeps better when you're there. He's the one that loves to give kisses. He's the one that loves to roll over for belly rubs as soon as your home. But he's not beautiful. He's not ugly but he's not beautiful. He's cute because he's short....I've even had people tell me he's not cute.

It made me think of another female friend of mine that is not smart, she can't finish school even though she only has a couple of classes left. She's nice and friendly. But she keeps getting jobs that pay enough to survive when people that have the degree for the job and the experience can't get. She's beautiful though. Just like my little girl, she's beautiful enough that people are willing to ignore other signs.

I'm not ugly. I'm not beautiful by society's standards. I've got a pretty face and a fat body. I get told all the time how pretty I am "even with scars" from a face infection.

The conception of beauty changes everything. I know a lot of older adults that complain about how they lost their looks. After your looks are gone-what are you left with?

Skinny was attractive to me when he was fat. He was a good looking guy but people definitely treats him better as a skinny person since "fat is ugly."

 

 

People always said "You guys look so cute together." "He looks like he really loves you." " You'll make cute babies." They might talk to him, they might not. He's so shy-he was fine if they didn't.

 

Now, they always hug him and tell him how good he looks. How "the weight made such a difference." I also get to hear how "lucky I am to get to look at" him and how "it worked out well that he became such an attractive man."

I was lucky to have him before the weight loss. I love coming home to him because of how we work together and how he makes me laugh not how hot he became.

This started because I got tired of hearing how my little girl is sweet but I was reminded about how much looks change everything. One day, when someone tells me how beautiful I am now that I'm skinny, I'm going to turn to them and say "I was beautiful all along-you just don't know beauty."

 

 

Chicken Pot Pie and S'mores Cakes

Last night, I had a friend over for dinner. We go way back....waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. All the way to high school.


See! Here we are in high school. She's in the plaid front and center and I've got the bag between my knees

I made chicken pot pie. It's remotely healthy. It's fairly easy. It's a good idea. While everyone was eating, she got on me for not eating much. I ate as much as I would if it had just been me and Skinny. I didn't think anything of it.

After dinner, we started talking about pampered chef. I sell this stuff and it's quality. She loved this one pot and said we needed to make a s'mores cake like they have in the picture. I just happen to have all the ingredients and we whip it up.

I was like a fat kid with this cake. The whole time it was baking I was excited. I didn't want the cake. I wanted to bake the cake. I have wanted to bake this cake for months. I even purchased this pan so I could bake this cake but never had a reason.

When it was ready, she asked me how much I wanted and I said "none."  I really didn't want to eat any. I didn't eat any of the Halloween candy she brought over either. I found that just the thought of making the cake was enough to make me happy. I could share it and get rid of it and not have to eat it.

Is this a new leaf in the world of FatWife? Maybe. It could have just been the night but I think it's awesome that I turned down S'mores cake.