Last week was my birthday. Yeup the good ole 29. I almost wish that I could have been 10lbs lighter for it but that's all under my control. My birthday was awesome. We had cake. We had pasta. We had bruschetta. We had a good time!
Skinny gave me a Kindle Fire for my birthday. I was beyond excited about this. I have been wanting a Kindle for months. We've used it everyday. I already read a book. The first book I read was about your love language. I'm a toucher. I feel loved when I am touched (not in a perverted way!) but just a simple hug makes me feel like I'm special. Skinny is a quality time guy so for him, I have to start focusing on what we're doing more. He doesn't care so much about touch. This explains so much of our past several years!
The next thing I read was Total Money Makeover. Now I enjoy Dave Ramsey. I think he's got a common sense approach to savings. I also think he is honest and tells people the truth. Some of which they don't want to hear. After reading it, I felt more comfortable with our finances. We're not on Step 7 by any means but I feel we've accomplished several steps. I was very scared after starting the book that we were way behind of most Americans but now, I feel we're doing alright. We won't pay the house off in 7 years but we might pay it off in 18. And if we get pay raises anytime between now and then or bonus checks, we might pay it off sooner.
Anyways, I feel that life is such a good thing to have and we tend to take it for granted. I use to like to read books that made me feel like I was in imagination land. Now, I like to read self help. Maybe that's because when I was younger, I didn't want to be in the world that I'm in now-imagination land was way cooler. Right now, life is awesome, the only things I want to change are things I am in control of myself...
Today, I challenge you to pick up a book-whatever kind you like to read- and read for 30 minutes. No TV, no computer, no cell phone...just read something you like! I know I will!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Somebody that I use to know...
This week, on throwback Thursday, one of my old friends from childhood posted a picture from their 3rd grade class. We come from a small town, I could look at the photo and instantly figure out the majority of the people.
One guy in the photo was the HUNK of our youth. He was my first crush in Kindergarten. He was pretty much everyone's first crush. His name was Ryan. He moved away in the 4th grade and I think half of the girls were upset. By 4th grade, I was towering over him-he still had the looks but he was way too short for the big girl.
He commented on the photo that day and I looked at his profile. He's STILL good looking. He's probably my height now but more of a douche-y look and less of a cute guy. (Imagine pictures with beer cheerleaders and frat brothers)...anyways...I started thinking about other people that moved away in our youth.
I thought of this one guy named Jimmy. Jimmy moved away in 6th grade. He was the epitome of nerd. Coming from a nerd, that's saying something! Jimmy was nice but he was a know it all. He liked all the things that weren't cool to like at our age and even had full on conversation with our teacher arguing over star trek and which generation was the best. He even had a nerd last name-definitely not his fault.
It turns out Jimmy didn't move far. Unlike Ryan who moved across the country, Jimmy moved about 8 miles down the road. I didn't see him again until we were juniors in high school. Jimmy had a secret. When he moved away, he reinvented himself. He was no longer nerdy Jimmy; he was cool Jimmy. In fact, he was so cool, he was popular. Jimmy was liked in our home town, he was one of those people that you had known all your life and a simple friend-had a few close ones but they all grew up to like stuff like renaissance fairs. He just wasn't an in crowd kind of guy.
He had crossed the county border, we didn't play them in sports until our junior year and he had done a good job just riding below the radar with our town. He avoided our festival even though his cool kid friends came. I just don't know how he did it.
It was like, he accomplished the impossible. I went to a football game with my friend that went to his school and she was talking about this crush she had on this cute guy but when she said his name, all I could think was nerdy Jimmy. She even pointed him out and said "Oh my gosh, you know him!? don't embarrass me!" At that point in my life, I dressed decently. I had awkward confidence-just enough to pull off the look of somewhat cool. I approached him. I even said "how the hell are you man?" with a disbelief in my voice really saying "WHAT THE HELL DUDE!? HOW DID YOU DO IT?!"
Jimmy had the look in his eyes of "don't out me, please." I never outed him. Neither did some of the other kids that knew him. At our school, it was a huge story. He had done it. He had moved 15 minutes away and completely reformed his life. Even now, he seems cool and fun and no longer nerdy.
As a kid, he was most likely to end up in an ivy league school. He ended up not even going to college...He's now in a band. He's gone from the scrawny awkward guy to the muscular bartender.
As an adult, we all change. We leave our hometown. The title of nerd, jock, slut, etc seem to fade away. We can make our own story as an adult. Little fish in a big pond.
When I went to school, I held on to what I knew was important, my compassion for people and life. But I got rid of the stuffiness I had when I was younger. I became more embracing of diversity and more loving of thinking outside the box.
But I never got rid of my fat.
I found a photo of me and my sister before we were chubby. I was still "over the 95%ile" but I was not obese yet.
It's time to recreate myself. Achieve the impossible for me. I'm still positive I can live the life I want to live. I know Skinny and I can retake photos in a few years and my wedding dress will be falling off me. :)
One guy in the photo was the HUNK of our youth. He was my first crush in Kindergarten. He was pretty much everyone's first crush. His name was Ryan. He moved away in the 4th grade and I think half of the girls were upset. By 4th grade, I was towering over him-he still had the looks but he was way too short for the big girl.
He commented on the photo that day and I looked at his profile. He's STILL good looking. He's probably my height now but more of a douche-y look and less of a cute guy. (Imagine pictures with beer cheerleaders and frat brothers)...anyways...I started thinking about other people that moved away in our youth.
I thought of this one guy named Jimmy. Jimmy moved away in 6th grade. He was the epitome of nerd. Coming from a nerd, that's saying something! Jimmy was nice but he was a know it all. He liked all the things that weren't cool to like at our age and even had full on conversation with our teacher arguing over star trek and which generation was the best. He even had a nerd last name-definitely not his fault.
It turns out Jimmy didn't move far. Unlike Ryan who moved across the country, Jimmy moved about 8 miles down the road. I didn't see him again until we were juniors in high school. Jimmy had a secret. When he moved away, he reinvented himself. He was no longer nerdy Jimmy; he was cool Jimmy. In fact, he was so cool, he was popular. Jimmy was liked in our home town, he was one of those people that you had known all your life and a simple friend-had a few close ones but they all grew up to like stuff like renaissance fairs. He just wasn't an in crowd kind of guy.
He had crossed the county border, we didn't play them in sports until our junior year and he had done a good job just riding below the radar with our town. He avoided our festival even though his cool kid friends came. I just don't know how he did it.
It was like, he accomplished the impossible. I went to a football game with my friend that went to his school and she was talking about this crush she had on this cute guy but when she said his name, all I could think was nerdy Jimmy. She even pointed him out and said "Oh my gosh, you know him!? don't embarrass me!" At that point in my life, I dressed decently. I had awkward confidence-just enough to pull off the look of somewhat cool. I approached him. I even said "how the hell are you man?" with a disbelief in my voice really saying "WHAT THE HELL DUDE!? HOW DID YOU DO IT?!"
Jimmy had the look in his eyes of "don't out me, please." I never outed him. Neither did some of the other kids that knew him. At our school, it was a huge story. He had done it. He had moved 15 minutes away and completely reformed his life. Even now, he seems cool and fun and no longer nerdy.
As a kid, he was most likely to end up in an ivy league school. He ended up not even going to college...He's now in a band. He's gone from the scrawny awkward guy to the muscular bartender.
As an adult, we all change. We leave our hometown. The title of nerd, jock, slut, etc seem to fade away. We can make our own story as an adult. Little fish in a big pond.
When I went to school, I held on to what I knew was important, my compassion for people and life. But I got rid of the stuffiness I had when I was younger. I became more embracing of diversity and more loving of thinking outside the box.
But I never got rid of my fat.
I found a photo of me and my sister before we were chubby. I was still "over the 95%ile" but I was not obese yet.
It's time to recreate myself. Achieve the impossible for me. I'm still positive I can live the life I want to live. I know Skinny and I can retake photos in a few years and my wedding dress will be falling off me. :)
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Dieting
Skinny and I have been attempting to eat healthy and exercise but we're getting ready to start a diet. Not a food diet. A money diet. We cut the cable yesterday-kept internet of course cause I need it for my business (and to blog this amazing blog...).
We still have more bills than I would like. I guess for me it's hard to understand that for years I had more money than I anticipated. When I was single, I had room, food, phone, gas....my insurance was paid, the bills were all split between multiple people. Now it's me and him and it's gotten more expensive than I expected.
I never knew how much pest control was....I never knew how much house insurance was...I never knew how much cable was...It's always been included in the apartment where I would live.
I don't regret buying a house or doing upgrades that we've made. I don't regret paying off the cars or buying any of the furniture.
Skinny's boss has maxed out his salary. To me, that's insane. If we're going to have to survive the next several decades on his income not changing, we'll need to go ahead and start pinching pennies.
So the newest diet begins September 1st. I have 14 days to reassess everything I do, find a new way to bring in more income, and learn to be satisfied with it all.
No more tapping into savings. No more "it's just a couple bucks." It's on...like donkey kong.
And part of my theory is that it will probably help the waistband too.
We still have more bills than I would like. I guess for me it's hard to understand that for years I had more money than I anticipated. When I was single, I had room, food, phone, gas....my insurance was paid, the bills were all split between multiple people. Now it's me and him and it's gotten more expensive than I expected.
I never knew how much pest control was....I never knew how much house insurance was...I never knew how much cable was...It's always been included in the apartment where I would live.
I don't regret buying a house or doing upgrades that we've made. I don't regret paying off the cars or buying any of the furniture.
Skinny's boss has maxed out his salary. To me, that's insane. If we're going to have to survive the next several decades on his income not changing, we'll need to go ahead and start pinching pennies.
So the newest diet begins September 1st. I have 14 days to reassess everything I do, find a new way to bring in more income, and learn to be satisfied with it all.
No more tapping into savings. No more "it's just a couple bucks." It's on...like donkey kong.
And part of my theory is that it will probably help the waistband too.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Where the hell have you been!?
Today, I weighed myself and I just happen to be at my lowest. I was a little on the surprised side. I know that sounds weird but I'd gotten use to disappointment.
This week, I did what I should have been doing all along. I haven't actually tracked my foods religiously. I haven't actually eaten perfect (because I know I never will) but I have eaten decently. Here's the kicker, I've taken my meds and I've walked. I've walked and walked and walked.
I haven't exhausted myself. I haven't hurt myself. I haven't "done too much." But I have focused on the wellbeing of my dogs and in return, I've helped myself.
Here's the thing about dogs, you can let them run and play outside but if you want a well mannered pup, you better expect to walk it. I've researched this more than I should have and all the experts agree, walking is different than short distance running or sprinting.
So I shall continue this method. It was awesome to see that number again today. I was so proud of the scale for letting it appear. Now if I could just lose 5 more before the wedding next month...
This week, I did what I should have been doing all along. I haven't actually tracked my foods religiously. I haven't actually eaten perfect (because I know I never will) but I have eaten decently. Here's the kicker, I've taken my meds and I've walked. I've walked and walked and walked.
I haven't exhausted myself. I haven't hurt myself. I haven't "done too much." But I have focused on the wellbeing of my dogs and in return, I've helped myself.
Here's the thing about dogs, you can let them run and play outside but if you want a well mannered pup, you better expect to walk it. I've researched this more than I should have and all the experts agree, walking is different than short distance running or sprinting.
So I shall continue this method. It was awesome to see that number again today. I was so proud of the scale for letting it appear. Now if I could just lose 5 more before the wedding next month...
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
And we march...
Day 2 of working it!
Here's the thing I find interesting: I'm willing to wake up at 5am to walk the dogs on seperate walks because they need exercise but I'm not willing to walk myself. That's a crying shame. I was so proud of myself yesterday. I woke up, walked little girl and Buddy 1 mile. Then I took them back and fed them. I walked little boy separately for 1/2 mile. Ahhhh the life of a single momma.
At lunch yesterday, I was feeling exceptionally happy so I went and walked at the mall across the street from my job.
Last night, Skinny got home. I've never been so excited in my life to see that boy. I missed him terribly. I use to not get this way. I've always been happy he's home but I think having to run the entire house by myself was a little more than I was expecting. I cleaned all day Sunday and you can't even tell. Those dogs...they run wild!
I told Skinny my new plans for the doggies. I asked for his help for our wild child and he most willingly agreed to help. This morning, we woke up at 5:30 and walked 1.25 miles together. I took Buddy and our little girl together, he took the wild child until it was clear that he was a bit much for him so we switched. He had 100+ lbs of dog on his arms and it was easier than the little 20lbs that I had. Crazy man.
I'm not going to walk at lunch because I think it would be overkill today but I do feel great. I always forget how pleasant I am after a walk. Why don't I do it more often? My little wild man is requiring me to do it more now. I look forward to the day that we have a fence that I can let him run and prance after bugs but he'll still need walks. And our little girl is doing great on her walks, you have to drag her at first but then she starts to get it. I think this walking 3 at once thing has been quite helpful to her confidence and my confidence too. :)
Here's the thing I find interesting: I'm willing to wake up at 5am to walk the dogs on seperate walks because they need exercise but I'm not willing to walk myself. That's a crying shame. I was so proud of myself yesterday. I woke up, walked little girl and Buddy 1 mile. Then I took them back and fed them. I walked little boy separately for 1/2 mile. Ahhhh the life of a single momma.
At lunch yesterday, I was feeling exceptionally happy so I went and walked at the mall across the street from my job.
Last night, Skinny got home. I've never been so excited in my life to see that boy. I missed him terribly. I use to not get this way. I've always been happy he's home but I think having to run the entire house by myself was a little more than I was expecting. I cleaned all day Sunday and you can't even tell. Those dogs...they run wild!
I told Skinny my new plans for the doggies. I asked for his help for our wild child and he most willingly agreed to help. This morning, we woke up at 5:30 and walked 1.25 miles together. I took Buddy and our little girl together, he took the wild child until it was clear that he was a bit much for him so we switched. He had 100+ lbs of dog on his arms and it was easier than the little 20lbs that I had. Crazy man.
I'm not going to walk at lunch because I think it would be overkill today but I do feel great. I always forget how pleasant I am after a walk. Why don't I do it more often? My little wild man is requiring me to do it more now. I look forward to the day that we have a fence that I can let him run and prance after bugs but he'll still need walks. And our little girl is doing great on her walks, you have to drag her at first but then she starts to get it. I think this walking 3 at once thing has been quite helpful to her confidence and my confidence too. :)
Sunday, August 11, 2013
How I'm like a Buddy.
I've never owned a big dog before. We had a dog that was 45lbs growing up and she was a great dog. Since then, my dogs have been under that weight limit. We took these smaller dogs for granted. At the same time, I've missed out on a lot.
Buddy listens so well. You tell him to come back, he does. You tell him to sit down, he does. It amazes me.
Buddy is also unaware of his size or his tail. I'm unaware of my size or tail. He is awkwardly graceful, light on his feet. I'm awkwardly graceful and light on my feet. I've been told that when I dance, I look like I don't weigh that of an obese lady but instead a rail thin ballerina. Buddy has no idea how much bigger he is to other dogs. I normally have no idea how much bigger I am to other people-until I see pictures. Buddy overheats easily, I overheat easily.
The neat thing about watching Buddy with my pups is this: they find a way to make it work. Skinny might be literally half my size but we work together.
I might not ever get skinny or under 150. I don't know but I know that I will always have a place where I belong-with Skinny. A place where I'm free to be myself, talk about what I want to talk about, and act as unusual or strange as I see fit.
Buddy listens so well. You tell him to come back, he does. You tell him to sit down, he does. It amazes me.
Buddy is also unaware of his size or his tail. I'm unaware of my size or tail. He is awkwardly graceful, light on his feet. I'm awkwardly graceful and light on my feet. I've been told that when I dance, I look like I don't weigh that of an obese lady but instead a rail thin ballerina. Buddy has no idea how much bigger he is to other dogs. I normally have no idea how much bigger I am to other people-until I see pictures. Buddy overheats easily, I overheat easily.
The neat thing about watching Buddy with my pups is this: they find a way to make it work. Skinny might be literally half my size but we work together.
I might not ever get skinny or under 150. I don't know but I know that I will always have a place where I belong-with Skinny. A place where I'm free to be myself, talk about what I want to talk about, and act as unusual or strange as I see fit.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Sleeping with the dogsitter...
Skinny is on vacation this week. Well...he's kind of on a mini vacation. It's been a rough week for Skinny. The couple we met through has given us a really hard time about our relationship and it interfering with their "game time." I'm use to this guy complaining about me cause I took away his friend but in reality, I didn't. Skinny is the same guy he was 5 years ago, just more confident. While he's gone, I'm taking care of his cat, our dogs, his fish, and his parents dog.
Our dogs are 20lbs and 13lbs. Their dog is 88.8lbs. My parents came up to visit as well bringing their two small dogs. It was A LOT of doggies in my house. After they left, everyone napped. It was adorable.
Our dogs are 20lbs and 13lbs. Their dog is 88.8lbs. My parents came up to visit as well bringing their two small dogs. It was A LOT of doggies in my house. After they left, everyone napped. It was adorable.
Isn't that cute!? I was stuck in the corner with a pillow in my lap and a pillow on my side. Shortly after this picture was taken, it started thundering and that big ole 90lb guy was almost in my lap shaking.
This is the dogsitting went wrong. The wind was still strong so I went to feed everyone. My babies LOVE food and will eat each others and Buddy's food. Buddy is very apathetic about eating. He didn't want his breakfast, he's not been real into his dinner. So my dogs food in their kennels and put Buddy's food in the master bedroom.
As I start walking away, I hear massive scratches on the door in the bedroom. So I run to yell at him and let him out and step in piddle from one of the dogs from earlier in the day. I looked out the window, saw the box that Skinny had sat next to the recycling (not in the recycling since it's empty) was flying down the driveway heading towards the street. So I take all the dogs out, yell at them to stay which was completely ignored. Our little girl came running with me as did Buddy. I kept yelling at Buddy to go back to the house. As I grab the box, I hear my neighbor's 30 year old son yelling. I look and my little boy is barking like crazy at this guy so I have to run over (the entire length of our plot to pick him up. Buddy also ran after this guy but wanted to be friends.
All this while fighting wind and carrying a box that needed to be broken down and in the recycling. Needless to say, it's back inside.
But since then, the dogsitting has been great. He's sleeping at my feet. One is sleeping in between my legs and one next to me. Soon we will move to the bed where Buddy will sleep on Skinny's side and snore awkwardly just like Skinny.
The good news is I made the right decision by staying with the dogs instead of going out with friends. They need me tonight. Skinny agrees. I love that man.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Lets do this!
This past weekend. Skinny and I attended a wedding. Boy am I fat!?! That's all I could think in my dress. Now here's some things I should be proud of: I am lighter than I was when we got married, I ate well while I was there, I fit in my wedding dress even after Skinny put it in the dryer and it shrank.
I've been trying to get back on target the past few days. Past few weeks actually!
I keep forgetting at least one med. I keep forgetting at least to take breakfast or lunch. I keep forgetting that I need to eat veggies (okay-I don't forget-I just don't like them still).
But today, it's like my stars aligned. I spent the past few days making sure to take my nightly medicine. Then the morning, I took my morning meds. I drank water all day yesterday and today and plenty of it. I went walking at lunch. I went walking after dinner. All and all, I feel satisfied that I have done well today.
What's amazing to me is that I'm still around the same weight. Sure I gained 5lbs but I'm still down 15...so that's pretty great!
I'm also feeling motivated with next week. I'm dogsitting a big dog and it'll need more walks. WOOHOO! That's all.
I've been trying to get back on target the past few days. Past few weeks actually!
I keep forgetting at least one med. I keep forgetting at least to take breakfast or lunch. I keep forgetting that I need to eat veggies (okay-I don't forget-I just don't like them still).
But today, it's like my stars aligned. I spent the past few days making sure to take my nightly medicine. Then the morning, I took my morning meds. I drank water all day yesterday and today and plenty of it. I went walking at lunch. I went walking after dinner. All and all, I feel satisfied that I have done well today.
What's amazing to me is that I'm still around the same weight. Sure I gained 5lbs but I'm still down 15...so that's pretty great!
I'm also feeling motivated with next week. I'm dogsitting a big dog and it'll need more walks. WOOHOO! That's all.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Moving On
It's been a rough couple of days. I don't really know what's wrong with me but part of it has to do with friendship, family, and food.
Skinny and I have dogs. They are our children. I don't know if I mentioned that we got another one but that's part of the reason I haven't been able to post as frequently. She's another rescue and a bit scared...of everything...including Skinny.
I'm going to go ahead and sad post because letting it out will make me think and feel better.
Last weekend, we had a Nigerian wedding for one of the guys in the college group. 2 of us went. Out of the 9 from the original group or 11 of the modified group or the 20 if you include couples now...Skinny went too as my date so 3 out of 20. That's pathetic.
This week, I realized during teambuilding day that I don't have a single friend at work. I spend 10 hours there. I was ditched by everyone. I kind of get it but I don't at the same time. I want to be liked too.
This weekend, I'm going to a friend's wedding. We invited everyone over before we leave since they have never seen our house even though they've driven by multiple times. No one came.
I try not to focus on the negative. I do have a lot of friends. I just don't have any at work. I have a lot of friends in our town, they just live on the other side of town. I still love my old friends-it's just come time in life where I need to lower my expectations and accept the reality.
Skinny and I have dogs. They are our children. I don't know if I mentioned that we got another one but that's part of the reason I haven't been able to post as frequently. She's another rescue and a bit scared...of everything...including Skinny.
I'm going to go ahead and sad post because letting it out will make me think and feel better.
Last weekend, we had a Nigerian wedding for one of the guys in the college group. 2 of us went. Out of the 9 from the original group or 11 of the modified group or the 20 if you include couples now...Skinny went too as my date so 3 out of 20. That's pathetic.
This week, I realized during teambuilding day that I don't have a single friend at work. I spend 10 hours there. I was ditched by everyone. I kind of get it but I don't at the same time. I want to be liked too.
This weekend, I'm going to a friend's wedding. We invited everyone over before we leave since they have never seen our house even though they've driven by multiple times. No one came.
I try not to focus on the negative. I do have a lot of friends. I just don't have any at work. I have a lot of friends in our town, they just live on the other side of town. I still love my old friends-it's just come time in life where I need to lower my expectations and accept the reality.
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