One guy in the photo was the HUNK of our youth. He was my first crush in Kindergarten. He was pretty much everyone's first crush. His name was Ryan. He moved away in the 4th grade and I think half of the girls were upset. By 4th grade, I was towering over him-he still had the looks but he was way too short for the big girl.
He commented on the photo that day and I looked at his profile. He's STILL good looking. He's probably my height now but more of a douche-y look and less of a cute guy. (Imagine pictures with beer cheerleaders and frat brothers)...anyways...I started thinking about other people that moved away in our youth.
I thought of this one guy named Jimmy. Jimmy moved away in 6th grade. He was the epitome of nerd. Coming from a nerd, that's saying something! Jimmy was nice but he was a know it all. He liked all the things that weren't cool to like at our age and even had full on conversation with our teacher arguing over star trek and which generation was the best. He even had a nerd last name-definitely not his fault.
It turns out Jimmy didn't move far. Unlike Ryan who moved across the country, Jimmy moved about 8 miles down the road. I didn't see him again until we were juniors in high school. Jimmy had a secret. When he moved away, he reinvented himself. He was no longer nerdy Jimmy; he was cool Jimmy. In fact, he was so cool, he was popular. Jimmy was liked in our home town, he was one of those people that you had known all your life and a simple friend-had a few close ones but they all grew up to like stuff like renaissance fairs. He just wasn't an in crowd kind of guy.
He had crossed the county border, we didn't play them in sports until our junior year and he had done a good job just riding below the radar with our town. He avoided our festival even though his cool kid friends came. I just don't know how he did it.
It was like, he accomplished the impossible. I went to a football game with my friend that went to his school and she was talking about this crush she had on this cute guy but when she said his name, all I could think was nerdy Jimmy. She even pointed him out and said "Oh my gosh, you know him!? don't embarrass me!" At that point in my life, I dressed decently. I had awkward confidence-just enough to pull off the look of somewhat cool. I approached him. I even said "how the hell are you man?" with a disbelief in my voice really saying "WHAT THE HELL DUDE!? HOW DID YOU DO IT?!"
Jimmy had the look in his eyes of "don't out me, please." I never outed him. Neither did some of the other kids that knew him. At our school, it was a huge story. He had done it. He had moved 15 minutes away and completely reformed his life. Even now, he seems cool and fun and no longer nerdy.
As a kid, he was most likely to end up in an ivy league school. He ended up not even going to college...He's now in a band. He's gone from the scrawny awkward guy to the muscular bartender.
As an adult, we all change. We leave our hometown. The title of nerd, jock, slut, etc seem to fade away. We can make our own story as an adult. Little fish in a big pond.
When I went to school, I held on to what I knew was important, my compassion for people and life. But I got rid of the stuffiness I had when I was younger. I became more embracing of diversity and more loving of thinking outside the box.
But I never got rid of my fat.
I found a photo of me and my sister before we were chubby. I was still "over the 95%ile" but I was not obese yet.
It's time to recreate myself. Achieve the impossible for me. I'm still positive I can live the life I want to live. I know Skinny and I can retake photos in a few years and my wedding dress will be falling off me. :)
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