Some of my friends and family know that I'm writing this blog. I've only let one person know what the blog itself is and that's AwesomeBoss. One of the reasons for that is that I don't want to feel like I have to censor myself. I can talk shit about my life and my ups and downs and not worry. It's not that I don't love people enough to give them the name, it's just that I love myself enough to know how I react when people know what I'm thinking. (But AwesomeBoss knows me well enough to not worry or judge...part of the reason she's so Awesome!)
This weekend, a good friend came and hung out with us. Missie is upset with me for not letting her know the name of the blog. She's a sweet girl but she is very focused on the looks and the number. She sees her wedding photos and says "I was so skinny there. I've gained 17lbs." I look in my wedding photos and yes I'm much chunkier, but I was so happy and that's what I remember about that day. It's not the looks weight wise, it's the looks happiness wise.
I think when you're getting healthier, people comment mostly about your looks "You look so good! How much weight have you lost?!" or "Your pants are looking baggy, that's great!" I like to hear these things too but I also love things like "FatWife, you've been doing great working out before work, I'm so proud of you." My sister provides these comments for me. If I have a NSV, I tell her and she tells me how awesome I am. Motivation is important.
SkinnyHusband made a comment about Missie this weekend and how she is always commenting on what he eats. When he eats something bad, Missie will say "How can you eat like that and stay so skinny?!" and when he eats something healthy that she doesn't like, she'll say "that's how you stay so skinny, eating stuff that no one likes." These kinds of comments when you're aiming for health make a difference on your attitude. It makes me think about all the food I eat and if I'm going to be judged for eating a slice of pizza or a banana.
I mean no harm for Missie not being able to read my blog. When she does find this blog, I hope she won't think badly about the stuff I've said. I just don't know if I need her to read my personal thoughts and feelings yet. I hope when she finds the blog, she won't tell me she is reading it.
She has 17lbs to lose. I have 9x's that amount to be where I should be...weight loss isn't easy no matter how much or how little but it's almost easier for me to express my feelings to complete strangers than someone that has known me for 14 years. Maybe she'll lose her 17lbs before I lose my 150lbs but maybe I'll be there first. You never know where life will take you. I just know I'm starting to be the girl I've always wanted to be.
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