OTTNOFW

2014 is rapidly approaching...I mean like 12 hours away.

It's been a good year. I've maintained my 15 lb weight loss. Skinny has gained a couple of pounds back. We've accrued an adorable girl dog to join our handsome little guy. We've paid officially paid 7%  of our house. We've built a patio. We've found hobbies we love. I've learned more foods I'll eat. Skinny has become more social. We've spent more time with both families. We've made friends with our neighbors. We've stocked our kitchen.

It's been a good year!

One of the things I'm most proud of is my ability to get over petty things. I've learned to love little things again and not worry about if someone likes me or not. I've started showing the world the real me. I love this girl.

I don't know what next year will entail but I do hope I eat at home more and volunteer more.

The Hunger Games

I finally finished listening to The Hunger Games on cd. (Yeah I listen to books on cd in the car-get over it). What I took away from the book is different than what some might have taken. Yes, there's the oppression of the main figures and the sadness for the lost but there's the concept of hunger.

I've never been hungry.

I've had my tummy rumble and blood sugar has been low, I've gotten headaches and even thrown up;  but, I've never worried about where my next meal is going to come from. I know-it's either my kitchen or someone else's kitchen.

What is it like to think you're going to die from hunger? I look at my life and think of all the food I've wasted and the glutton I've been.

It saddens me. I work with poverty everyday. I put myself in their shoes frequently and I think we take for granted all we have.

Next week is Thanksgiving. For those not from the USA, here's what Thanksgiving is: it's a holiday we sit around and eat.

Yes...that's it. We have an entire holiday to eat. We don't eat healthy either. We eat Turkey with Gravy and Stuffing. We eat casseroles and pies. Everything has extra butter or cream in it.

Normally, I struggle on Thanksgiving because I have to try very hard not to eat all the corn that my mom makes. This year, we're spending it with Skinny's family. I almost feel like it's going to be a piece of cake. My momma can cook. Skinny's family cooks fine but it's not my momma's corn. In fact, there won't even be corn there.

There will be mashed potatoes but they're "Loaded Mashed Potatoes" which don't sound good to me at all cause I like mine light and fluffy with milk and butter.

The pies are all "fall pies" like Sweet Potato or Pumpkin *YUCK* not the thin cookies I love from my Cousin Phyllis.

There will be string bean casserole. There will be salad. There will be Turkey. All of these I can avoid. In fact, I'm more likely to undereat than overeat this year.

At the same time, there are Americans that don't get to celebrate this holiday. I try to do what I can only help so much. I only get $50/mo to spend on whatever I want and a lot of that goes to birthday gifts and Christmas gifts or other charities.

Unlike some of my posts, there is no mass revelation for me. I just think that we should try to help where we can and realize the glutton and fortune some of us experience. Hm...maybe there is a point to this rambling after all.

You've got a friend in me

I feel like I should dedicate the day to friendship. Since I started training, I've had some great support from a few people.

This morning, I was feeling glum for a second. I have been running well and feel like I'm getting further but I feel very heavy. I am heavy. I'm aware I'm heavy but I don't need to remind myself of it all the time. So I was talking to one of my bestiest most awesomeist roommates ever and I told her how I felt. Her response: 

"Yay for making progress with jogging, excellent work! Heck, I used to feel heavy when I jogged, too, but over time it will go away. you'll start running and your thoughts will take you to all sorts of places before you realize, "wait...Im jogging and I'm like a gazelle!!" the hardest part is getting started and you've already overcome that portion, so rock on my friend!"

I just think it's exactly what I needed to hear. She's not big by any means so if she feels heavy, I'll feel better one day.



My Besties! (My fellow F is my 5k friend and my B has done some too)

I started thinking about friendships and how they impact things. Recently, Skinny has been playing A LOT of video games. He spends all day with his friends at work, gets online, and plays all night with them. He has been very happy with how much they want to hang out with him. So that's good friendship support for him.

I have started feeling neglected and unloved but then I talk to my friends and am reminded of how loved I really am. Even if Skinny isn't showing it, people love me and support me. I should say that Skinny is supporting me through texts occasionally with the 5k training....just no emotional support right now. It's just a stage.

At work, I've watched friendships really mess things up. There was a "situation" that got out of hand and one group has had to turn on each other. Now, one of the girls in the group is getting married and the rest aren't doing anything for her for the wedding. (We were only given 2 weeks notification so the office didn't have much time). I put together a few decorations and got a card for everyone to sign. As my boss was leaving, she realized that her "friends" hadn't signed it so she went and asked them to sign-saying she thought that the girls feelings would be very hurt if they didn't sign it. She was right. I'm glad they signed it.

What I've found with my friendships is that they help me through the hard times. They help me through the good times. They are the family I always wanted. I love when they give advice. I love when they ask for advice. I love when they make me laugh. I love that I know that even if I'm mad at them this week, I'll be over it in a few days and we will continue to make each others lives enjoyable.

Since it's thankful November on The Facebook, DelightfulD and I were chatting about what we would be thankful for...

DD:  "I am thankful FatWife doesn't feel the need to give a daily update on what she's thankful for."
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD doesn't bitch about her pregnancy"
DD:  "I'm thankful for FatWife's concern as to whether or not I was still alive or if I blew up my house"
FW:  I'm thankful that DelighfulD thinks I'm smart enough how to use a gas fireplace"
DD: "I'm thankful that FatWfife supplies a free fireworks show every july 4"
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD makes _____ happy and puts up with a crazy mother in law all out of love"
DD: "I am thankful that FatWife provides a nice, somewhat loving home for a cat she can't stand"
FW: "I'm thankful that DelightfulD lets me bitch about said cat"
DD: "I'm thankful that FatWife counsels the destitute and downtrodden every day at her job"

After that...we started getting silly.

But for 10 minutes, I laughed so hard, I forgot the bad aspects of the day and remembered how the little things in life are free. Friendship is free. Soak it up!



Soaking up friendship at a photobooth...

Oh to be beautiful...

As you know, I have 2 "kids"- my beautiful little girl and my cute little boy. They each have such different personalities.

My boy is neurotic, smart, easily excited, always concerned, overly confident, and a cuddler.

My little girl is beautiful, quiet, small, independent yet needy.

There are things about both of them I wish I could change. He is aggressively protective of me; he won't let you cut his nails; he chases light to the point of jumping on walls, he barks at neighbors outside the house. She whines if I leave her with Skinny; she won't let you know when she has to go out; she is scared of everything and has a loud bark if encouraged.

I love them both differently. I can take her for walks with me without worrying that she's going to bite someone. I can trust he's not going to pee or poop inside. I know she will be so excited to see me that she looks like her life is now complete. I know he will curl up and cuddle with me when it's time to go to bed.

But she has a way easier life.

Everyone that has spent time with my boy knows how fun and sweet he is on the inside. They know that he'll cuddle with him while they watch TV. They know he'll play with any dog or person. The moment they meet her, they don't care about him anymore. My parents are guilty of this, my in laws are guilty, my friends are guilty. They all talk about how she's so sweet.

The truth is, she loves me. She follows me around the house. She is soft and will sit if you hold her in your lap. BUT...she's not sweet. In fact, she is the one that tries to get the boy to play everytime. If he's napping, she'll come up and bite his face or his legs, take his toy, do whatever to wake him up to play. If he's getting attention, she bites him until you pay attention to her. She doesn't want to cuddle with you. She wants to know you exist but she doesn't want to touch you when she sleeps.

He is the sweet one-even if he can be an asshole. He's the one that sleeps better when you're there. He's the one that loves to give kisses. He's the one that loves to roll over for belly rubs as soon as your home. But he's not beautiful. He's not ugly but he's not beautiful. He's cute because he's short....I've even had people tell me he's not cute.

It made me think of another female friend of mine that is not smart, she can't finish school even though she only has a couple of classes left. She's nice and friendly. But she keeps getting jobs that pay enough to survive when people that have the degree for the job and the experience can't get. She's beautiful though. Just like my little girl, she's beautiful enough that people are willing to ignore other signs.

I'm not ugly. I'm not beautiful by society's standards. I've got a pretty face and a fat body. I get told all the time how pretty I am "even with scars" from a face infection.

The conception of beauty changes everything. I know a lot of older adults that complain about how they lost their looks. After your looks are gone-what are you left with?

Skinny was attractive to me when he was fat. He was a good looking guy but people definitely treats him better as a skinny person since "fat is ugly."

 

 

People always said "You guys look so cute together." "He looks like he really loves you." " You'll make cute babies." They might talk to him, they might not. He's so shy-he was fine if they didn't.

 

Now, they always hug him and tell him how good he looks. How "the weight made such a difference." I also get to hear how "lucky I am to get to look at" him and how "it worked out well that he became such an attractive man."

I was lucky to have him before the weight loss. I love coming home to him because of how we work together and how he makes me laugh not how hot he became.

This started because I got tired of hearing how my little girl is sweet but I was reminded about how much looks change everything. One day, when someone tells me how beautiful I am now that I'm skinny, I'm going to turn to them and say "I was beautiful all along-you just don't know beauty."

 

 

Chicken Pot Pie and S'mores Cakes

Last night, I had a friend over for dinner. We go way back....waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. All the way to high school.


See! Here we are in high school. She's in the plaid front and center and I've got the bag between my knees

I made chicken pot pie. It's remotely healthy. It's fairly easy. It's a good idea. While everyone was eating, she got on me for not eating much. I ate as much as I would if it had just been me and Skinny. I didn't think anything of it.

After dinner, we started talking about pampered chef. I sell this stuff and it's quality. She loved this one pot and said we needed to make a s'mores cake like they have in the picture. I just happen to have all the ingredients and we whip it up.

I was like a fat kid with this cake. The whole time it was baking I was excited. I didn't want the cake. I wanted to bake the cake. I have wanted to bake this cake for months. I even purchased this pan so I could bake this cake but never had a reason.

When it was ready, she asked me how much I wanted and I said "none."  I really didn't want to eat any. I didn't eat any of the Halloween candy she brought over either. I found that just the thought of making the cake was enough to make me happy. I could share it and get rid of it and not have to eat it.

Is this a new leaf in the world of FatWife? Maybe. It could have just been the night but I think it's awesome that I turned down S'mores cake.

Well earned halloween candy

This week, I started training for a 5k. I've been walking for a while now but I figured it was time to make some goals. GOAL: To run a 5k before

I downloaded the C25K app and started on Tuesday at lunch time. Here's my thoughts then: "What am I doing? How is it only 8 minutes of running total? WHY FATTIE WHY?!"

I was stiff and sore at the end of the 30 minutes. After I got home, the neighbors wanted to walk so I agreed. Before we could walk, one of them canceled. I almost wanted to leap for joy.

Yesterday, I walked during lunch but no training. Just my normal-clear my head- kind of walking.

Today, I knew I had to run. I wanted to get it over before the trick or treaters. From those not from the US or a Halloween celebrating country-appreciate the fact that you don't celebrate. I loved it as a kid. As an adult, in a neighborhood-one that gives legit candy, I am not a fan. Sometimes, it can take you half an hour to even get to the house if you're driving because cars follow their kids now. Come on. Park and walk with your children. Don't drive them in a van or car to the next house. We're not that stretched out of a community...

I changed into my running clothes as soon as I got home and grabbed my little guy to come run with me. After the first minute run, I said "Oh shit...this is why I don't run..." but before I knew it, I was halfway through. Then I was about 10 seconds into my running session when I realized it said "Begin 5 minute cooldown."

It went so quickly! I was tired when I got home but I went further and longer. I was happy and fine. My neighbor wanted to walk so I took my little girl, we walked another mile! The kids are pooped. My feet are tired but my legs are good. I don't hate myself or my life. I feel like I accomplished something.

FatWife and Babygirl 2013

Day 2 was way better than Day 1. I know it will get worse and it will get better but I also can see myself accomplishing my 5k before 30!

5 years ago today:

Always check for eye boogers

How can it be that I have not posted in over a month!?

It's been a good month for health but not for weight. I have continued walking with my neighbors. We've been doing fantastic...going at least 3 times a week.

I did my first 5k....which somehow only was a 4k due to the group missing a lap somewhere.

Today, I wanted to lay in bed and not work. I even had my words planned out about what to say when I called in. I normally start getting ready at 6am and leave at 6:25. Today, I got up at 6:40 and left at 6:45...even did my hair and brushed my teeth for two minutes.

What I found from this experience is this...sometimes just getting ready is all you need to do. I use to get ready for the gym even if I didn't want to go. If I did that, I would get in the car and drive there. Once there, if I got out of the car and walked on the property, I could leave if I wanted but 95% of the time, I would say "Eh, I'm already here and dressed."

Same thing with work today. My headache is almost gone. I found that half the battle.

The things you can always count on

There are things in life that we can't control...I am very well aware of that concept. This week, my goal is to truly embrace what we can't control.

I am a punctual person. I despise lateness. If you say we are leaving at 2:30am, I will be in the car all packed by 2:25am. My best friend is the polar opposite about time management.

Over our 12 years of friendship, I can count on one hand the number of times that she has been on time. In fact, we use to give her a special time that was an hour before the actual time.

I can't stand it. I still love her and I almost always know that I can be late with her and it doesn't matter....but I still am early.

Today, I was suppose to be at her house at 6:30am to leave. I was there with my stuff next to her car by 6:25am. As I went to lock my car, I saw a text from her saying to let myself in, she was running late.

My initial response was annoyance and then I smiled. What was I thinking? This is my fault for expecting a change. That would be like her expecting me to be late. 

There are things in life you can control-how many people you eat with, if your bathroom is clean, how you wear your hair. Then, there's everything else. I can't control her timeliness, but I can control my reaction.

This week, when things start to annoy me or frustrate me, I am going to take a second to embrace life and show compassion...I won't change overnight but overtime, I can become a better person.

6:57am...still waiting

*Delete if Revealed* There's more to me

If my friends read this, they'd not like me...A few months ago I posted about everything changing. If I knew then what I know now, I might have felt differently.

Children ruin everything.

I love kids. I work with them. I think they are the future and I want more for them than I do for myself.

But...they ruin everything.

Before, conversations ranged from food ideas to houses to weight loss to exercise to crafts to music.

Now, everything comes back to baby.

Example:

FW: how's your day
Friend: it's okay. Baby rolled over.
FW: ooh cool. How many times has baby done it now?
Friend: she did it three times today.
FW: so she's a pro at it now! That's exciting! It's been very busy today. This is my first break. My coworker of 8 years walked out with no warning. She made everyone miserable.
Friend: that sticks. Baby just rolled over again!!!

I wish I was kidding. A few weeks ago my coworker said "your child is only amazing to you. They are only special to you." I wish I could say that to a mom once in a while.

I truly love kids. They tend to be more honest than anything else in the world. They are pure and sweet and innocent. They live in a world of possibilities. They're awesome.

But in an adult world, constant baby talk is annoying. I need to be able to have one conversation without baby being mentioned.

Babies ruin everything.

Spending Diet week 2

Well the second week has passed. It's been interesting. I think we're really learning how to live within our means. The funny thing to me is that we've both spent our "personal spending." I have like $15 left and he over spent by $2.63.

Cooking at home has been really fun. We've been alternating. What I've learned is that we need to increase fruits and vegetables. We run out of those after a few days and then we spend the rest of the week eating frozen ones.

I've been walking with the neighbors and it is awesome. I love these girls. They're good stuff.

Anyways, I hope this week is better! No weight change but no worries.

A Spending Diet is a diet!

Today marks the end of the first official week of our spending diet and living on cash. Skinny says it's pretty easy, I say it's not too hard. For me, I don't think about my spending obsessively. If I'm on my way to work and my tank is low, I fill up. If I'm hungry while out with a friend, I eat. I don't buy a lot of crap, but I spend more money than I should.

What it boils down to is failing to plan is planning to fail. You hear that all the time in diet world. Plan your meals in advance, plan your exercise in advance, plan your snacks, plan your drinks, plan, plan, plan.

I like to plan. I don't necessarily like to follow my plan. This is true in my diet past as well. I like to say "oh man, I'm going to do this, this, and this, and it's going to be awesome" and then it turns into none of that and no awesome.

Skinny and I have routinely made plans for meals during the week. When the week starts, we end up going out because we're tired and we're hungry. Well we have to drive 10 minutes, wait 30 minutes for food, eat for 15 minutes, wait 10 minutes for the check, then spend our hard earned money! So by the time we get home, we've spend 1.5 hours of our night and all of our extra money we earned that day. It's a little crazy.

With the spending diet, we've only eaten out once this week. I can even tell in my clothes that I'm actually decreasing a little. This whole eating at home thing is very healthy-it's cheaper and less calories.

It's interesting to me...I walk for my dogs, I eat at home for my wallet...at some point, I'll realize I'm really doing stuff for me.

We're getting ready to go to the store now. I need to make my list, clip my coupons, and get out the door!

Here's to a great Saturday! Make it special folks!

The more you read...

Last week was my birthday. Yeup the good ole 29. I almost wish that I could have been 10lbs lighter for it but that's all under my control. My birthday was awesome. We had cake. We had pasta. We had bruschetta. We had a good time!

Skinny gave me a Kindle Fire for my birthday. I was beyond excited about this. I have been wanting a Kindle for months. We've used it everyday. I already read a book. The first book I read was about your love language. I'm a toucher. I feel loved when I am touched (not in a perverted way!) but just a simple hug makes me feel like I'm special. Skinny is a quality time guy so for him, I have to start focusing on what we're doing more. He doesn't care so much about touch. This explains so much of our past several years!

The next thing I read was Total Money Makeover. Now I enjoy Dave Ramsey. I think he's got a common sense approach to savings. I also think he is honest and tells people the truth. Some of which they don't want to hear. After reading it, I felt more comfortable with our finances. We're not on Step 7 by any means but I feel we've accomplished several steps. I was very scared after starting the book that we were way behind of most Americans but now, I feel we're doing alright. We won't pay the house off in 7 years but we might pay it off in 18. And if we get pay raises anytime between now and then or bonus checks, we might pay it off sooner.

Anyways, I feel that life is such a good thing to have and we tend to take it for granted. I use to like to read books that made me feel like I was in imagination land. Now, I like to read self help. Maybe that's because when I was younger, I didn't want to be in the world that I'm in now-imagination land was way cooler. Right now, life is awesome, the only things I want to change are things I am in control of myself...

Today, I challenge you to pick up a book-whatever kind you like to read- and read for 30 minutes. No TV, no computer, no cell phone...just read something you like! I know I will!

Somebody that I use to know...

This week, on throwback Thursday, one of my old friends from childhood posted a picture from their 3rd grade class. We come from a small town, I could look at the photo and instantly figure out the majority of the people.

One guy in the photo was the HUNK of our youth. He was my first crush in Kindergarten. He was pretty much everyone's first crush. His name was Ryan. He moved away in the 4th grade and I think half of the girls were upset. By 4th grade, I was towering over him-he still had the looks but he was way too short for the big girl.

He commented on the photo that day and I looked at his profile. He's STILL good looking. He's probably my height now but more of a douche-y look and less of a cute guy. (Imagine pictures with beer cheerleaders and frat brothers)...anyways...I started thinking about other people that moved away in our youth.

I thought of this one guy named Jimmy. Jimmy moved away in 6th grade. He was the epitome of nerd. Coming from a nerd, that's saying something! Jimmy was nice but he was a know it all. He liked all the things that weren't cool to like at our age and even had full on conversation with our teacher arguing over star trek and which generation was the best. He even had a nerd last name-definitely not his fault.

It turns out Jimmy didn't move far. Unlike Ryan who moved across the country, Jimmy moved about 8 miles down the road. I didn't see him again until we were juniors in high school. Jimmy had a secret. When he moved away, he reinvented himself. He was no longer nerdy Jimmy; he was cool Jimmy. In fact, he was so cool, he was popular. Jimmy was liked in our home town, he was one of those people that you had known all your life and a simple friend-had a few close ones but they all grew up to like stuff like renaissance fairs. He just wasn't an in crowd kind of guy.

He had crossed the county border, we didn't play them in sports until our junior year and he had done a good job just riding below the radar with our town. He avoided our festival even though his cool kid friends came. I just don't know how he did it.

It was like, he accomplished the impossible. I went to a football game with my friend that went to his school and she was talking about this crush she had on this cute guy but when she said his name, all I could think was nerdy Jimmy. She even pointed him out and said "Oh my gosh, you know him!? don't embarrass me!" At that point in my life, I dressed decently. I had awkward confidence-just enough to pull off the look of somewhat cool. I approached him. I even said "how the hell are you man?" with a disbelief in my voice really saying "WHAT THE HELL DUDE!? HOW DID YOU DO IT?!"

Jimmy had the look in his eyes of "don't out me, please." I never outed him. Neither did some of the other kids that knew him. At our school, it was a huge story. He had done it. He had moved 15 minutes away and completely reformed his life. Even now, he seems cool and fun and no longer nerdy.

As a kid, he was most likely to end up in an ivy league school. He ended up not even going to college...He's now in a band. He's gone from the scrawny awkward guy to the muscular bartender.

As an adult, we all change. We leave our hometown. The title of nerd, jock, slut, etc seem to fade away. We can make our own story as an adult. Little fish in a big pond.

When I went to school, I held on to what I knew was important, my compassion for people and life. But I got rid of the stuffiness I had when I was younger. I became more embracing of diversity and more loving of thinking outside the box.

But I never got rid of my fat.

I found a photo of me and my sister before we were chubby. I was still "over the 95%ile" but I was not obese yet.

It's time to recreate myself. Achieve the impossible for me. I'm still positive I can live the life I want to live. I know Skinny and I can retake photos in a few years and my wedding dress will be falling off me. :)

Dieting

Skinny and I have been attempting to eat healthy and exercise but we're getting ready to start a diet. Not a food diet. A money diet. We cut the cable yesterday-kept internet of course cause I need it for my business (and to blog this amazing blog...).

We still have more bills than I would like. I guess for me it's hard to understand that for years I had more money than I anticipated. When I was single, I had room, food, phone, gas....my insurance was paid, the bills were all split between multiple people. Now it's me and him and it's gotten more expensive than I expected.

I never knew how much pest control was....I never knew how much house insurance was...I never knew how much cable was...It's always been included in the apartment where I would live.

I don't regret buying a house or doing upgrades that we've made. I don't regret paying off the cars or buying any of the furniture.

Skinny's boss has maxed out his salary. To me, that's insane. If we're going to have to survive the next several decades on his income not changing, we'll need to go ahead and start pinching pennies.

So the newest diet begins September 1st. I have 14 days to reassess everything I do, find a new way to bring in more income, and learn to be satisfied with it all.

No more tapping into savings. No more "it's just a couple bucks." It's on...like donkey kong.

And part of my theory is that it will probably help the waistband too.

Where the hell have you been!?

Today, I weighed myself and I just happen to be at my lowest. I was a little on the surprised side. I know that sounds weird but I'd gotten use to disappointment.

This week, I did what I should have been doing all along. I haven't actually tracked my foods religiously. I haven't actually eaten perfect (because I know I never will) but I have eaten decently. Here's the kicker, I've taken my meds and I've walked. I've walked and walked and walked.

I haven't exhausted myself. I haven't hurt myself. I haven't "done too much." But I have focused on the wellbeing of my dogs and in return, I've helped myself.

Here's the thing about dogs, you can let them run and play outside but if you want a well mannered pup, you better expect to walk it. I've researched this more than I should have and all the experts agree, walking is different than short distance running or sprinting.

So I shall continue this method. It was awesome to see that number again today. I was so proud of the scale for letting it appear. Now if I could just lose 5 more before the wedding next month...

And we march...

Day 2 of working it!

Here's the thing I find interesting: I'm willing to wake up at 5am to walk the dogs on seperate walks because they need exercise but I'm not willing to walk myself. That's a crying shame. I was so proud of myself yesterday. I woke up, walked little girl and Buddy 1 mile. Then I took them back and fed them. I walked little boy separately for 1/2 mile. Ahhhh the life of a single momma.

At lunch yesterday, I was feeling exceptionally happy so I went and walked at the mall across the street from my job.

Last night, Skinny got home. I've never been so excited in my life to see that boy. I missed him terribly. I use to not get this way. I've always been happy he's home but I think having to run the entire house by myself was a little more than I was expecting. I cleaned all day Sunday and you can't even tell. Those dogs...they run wild!

I told Skinny my new plans for the doggies. I asked for his help for our wild child and he most willingly agreed to help.  This morning, we woke up at 5:30 and walked 1.25 miles together. I took Buddy and our little girl together, he took the wild child until it was clear that he was a bit much for him so we switched. He had 100+ lbs of dog on his arms and it was easier than the little 20lbs that I had. Crazy man.

I'm not going to walk at lunch because I think it would be overkill today but I do feel great. I always forget how pleasant I am after a walk. Why don't I do it more often? My little wild man is requiring me to do it more now. I look forward to the day that we have a fence that I can let him run and prance after bugs but he'll still need walks. And our little girl is doing great on her walks, you have to drag her at first but then she starts to get it. I think this walking 3 at once thing has been quite helpful to her confidence and my confidence too. :)

How I'm like a Buddy.

I've never owned a big dog before. We had a dog that was 45lbs growing up and she was a great dog. Since then, my dogs have been under that weight limit. We took these smaller dogs for granted. At the same time, I've missed out on a lot.

Buddy listens so well. You tell him to come back, he does. You tell him to sit down, he does. It amazes me.

Buddy is also unaware of his size or his tail. I'm unaware of my size or tail. He is awkwardly graceful, light on his feet. I'm awkwardly graceful and light on my feet. I've been told that when I dance, I look like I don't weigh that of an obese lady but instead a rail thin ballerina. Buddy has no idea how much bigger he is to other dogs. I normally have no idea how much bigger I am to other people-until I see pictures. Buddy overheats easily, I overheat easily.

The neat thing about watching Buddy with my pups is this: they find a way to make it work. Skinny might be literally half my size but we work together.

I might not ever get skinny or under 150. I don't know but I know that I will always have a place where I belong-with Skinny. A place where I'm free to be myself, talk about what I want to talk about, and act as unusual or strange as I see fit.

Sleeping with the dogsitter...

Skinny is on vacation this week. Well...he's kind of on a mini vacation. It's been a rough week for Skinny. The couple we met through has given us a really hard time about our relationship and it interfering with their "game time." I'm use to this guy complaining about me cause I took away his friend but in reality, I didn't. Skinny is the same guy he was 5 years ago, just more confident. While he's gone, I'm taking care of his cat, our dogs, his fish, and his parents dog.

Our dogs are 20lbs and 13lbs. Their dog is 88.8lbs. My parents came up to visit as well bringing their two small dogs. It was A LOT of doggies in my house. After they left, everyone napped. It was adorable.

 

Isn't that cute!? I was stuck in the corner with a pillow in my lap and a pillow on my side. Shortly after this picture was taken, it started thundering and that big ole 90lb guy was almost in my lap shaking.

 

This is the dogsitting went wrong. The wind was still strong so I went to feed everyone. My babies LOVE food and will eat each others and Buddy's food. Buddy is very apathetic about eating. He didn't want his breakfast, he's not been real into his dinner. So my dogs food in their kennels and put Buddy's food in the master bedroom.

 

As I start walking away, I hear massive scratches on the door in the bedroom. So I run to yell at him and let him out and step in piddle from one of the dogs from earlier in the day. I looked out the window, saw the box that Skinny had sat next to the recycling (not in the recycling since it's empty) was flying down the driveway heading towards the street. So I take all the dogs out, yell at them to stay which was completely ignored. Our little girl came running with me as did Buddy. I kept yelling at Buddy to go back to the house. As I grab the box, I hear my neighbor's 30 year old son yelling. I look and my little boy is barking like crazy at this guy so I have to run over (the entire length of our plot to pick him up. Buddy also ran after this guy but wanted to be friends.

 

All this while fighting wind and carrying a box that needed to be broken down and in the recycling. Needless to say, it's back inside.

 

But since then, the dogsitting has been great. He's sleeping at my feet. One is sleeping in between my legs and one next to me. Soon we will move to the bed where Buddy will sleep on Skinny's side and snore awkwardly just like Skinny.

 

The good news is I made the right decision by staying with the dogs instead of going out with friends. They need me tonight. Skinny agrees. I love that man.

Lets do this!

This past weekend. Skinny and I attended a wedding. Boy am I fat!?! That's all I could think in my dress. Now here's some things I should be proud of: I am lighter than I was when we got married, I ate well while I was there, I fit in my wedding dress even after Skinny put it in the dryer and it shrank.

I've been trying to get back on target the past few days. Past few weeks actually!

I keep forgetting at least one med. I keep forgetting at least to take breakfast or lunch. I keep forgetting that I need to eat veggies (okay-I don't forget-I just don't like them still).

But today, it's like my stars aligned. I spent the past few days making sure to take my nightly medicine. Then the morning, I took my morning meds. I drank water all day yesterday and today and plenty of it. I went walking at lunch. I went walking after dinner. All and all, I feel satisfied that I have done well today.

What's amazing to me is that I'm still around the same weight. Sure I gained 5lbs but I'm still down 15...so that's pretty great!

I'm also feeling motivated with next week. I'm dogsitting a big dog and it'll need more walks. WOOHOO! That's all.

Moving On

It's been a rough couple of days. I don't really know what's wrong with me but part of it has to do with friendship, family, and food.

Skinny and I have dogs. They are our children. I don't know if I mentioned that we got another one but that's part of the reason I haven't been able to post as frequently. She's another rescue and a bit scared...of everything...including Skinny.

I'm going to go ahead and sad post because letting it out will make me think and feel better.

Last weekend, we had a Nigerian wedding for one of the guys in the college group. 2 of us went. Out of the 9 from the original group or 11 of the modified group or the 20 if you include couples now...Skinny went too as my date so 3 out of 20. That's pathetic.

This week, I realized during teambuilding day that I don't have a single friend at work. I spend 10 hours there. I was ditched by everyone. I kind of get it but I don't at the same time. I want to be liked too.

This weekend, I'm going to a friend's wedding. We invited everyone over before we leave since they have never seen our house even though they've driven by multiple times. No one came.

I try not to focus on the negative. I do have a lot of friends. I just don't have any at work. I have a lot of friends in our town, they just live on the other side of town. I still love my old friends-it's just come time in life where I need to lower my expectations and accept the reality.

Is a routine too normal?

Skinny and I have an awesome habit of getting pizza every Thursday at our pizza place. Recently, I've grown tired of pizza (please don't tell anyone...I'm notorious for my love of pizza).

Tonight, I was annoyed when I came home just at the thought of getting pizza. Since I am out of town tomorrow, Skinny wants to get it on a Wednesday. I should be happy he wants to spend time with me...

Instead I'm thinking of the packing I need to do and the dishes and laundry that need to be done before I go. I'm thinking if I need to pack any pampered chef products (which I do!) or if I need to pack any allergy medication in case of accidental beef ingestion.

But when I think about it, even if I don't eat the pizza, spending time with Skinny is worth it. He's going to be doing a lot of housecare the next few days. Trying to finish our current project, picking up our new dog, taking care of 2 dogs and a sick cat...its a lot of work.

Strange Motivation...

This year we have 2 weddings in our group....

One of the guys in the group fell off the face of the earth about 2 years ago. He's always been more motivated than some of us so I figured he was working hard. He moved across the country with his wife several years ago as she worked on her doctorate-the rest of us stayed on the other side of the states. The last time I saw him was at a wedding in 2010. I loved this guy. We use to joke that we were like Ross and Monica-very brotherly/sisterly. As freshmen, we would stay up talking and he always gave me that brotherly advice about boys I liked or girls that I wanted to slap. He was quality stuff!

One of the guys getting married this year was actually his best man at his wedding. They were close all through college. Two weeks ago, I went to the bridal shower. While we were there, he mentioned that he knew our friend wasn't coming but he just wanted an RSVP. They had stopped talking many years ago and the one getting married now was extremely hurt by this.

Me...being me...and wanting the whole group to be family still had to email the one across the country. I asked him to at least send in his RSVP even if he wasn't coming.

Two weeks later, I get an email from him saying he is actually going to the wedding and part of his reason for being so delayed was that he felt guilty for not going to my wedding.

A lot of people that were close didn't go to my wedding...My dearest great aunt didn't come because she had a college reunion. My cousin didn't come because he didn't know if afford the drive down. My old roommate couldn't come because she had a clogging competition. My old coworker couldn't come because she had a church function for that day. My dear friend couldn't come because her brother was finishing his PhD...I understood all of these. I understood his reasoning as well. His wife was also defending her thesis.

To me, marriage is important. Supporting your wife on something that she's been working towards for 5 years is crucial.

For some reason, the thought of the whole group being together is motivating to me. I have 3 weeks before the wedding and I want to get to 290...that's the weight I was when everyone was together last...

It should be happiness

Skinny and I are back on the same page again. One of the things that humors me about our "fights" are they are so quick and so silly. I get upset over things like "Using the decorative towels" or "leaving the fryer out overnight in the rain when I told you to take it inside." He gets upset over things like "How I describe making skewers."

They aren't real fights. They're real to us but it's not real fights.

This weekend we went over to a friends house. I'm friends with the wife, Skinny is friends with the husband. The wife is the breadwinner, bringing in twice as much as the husband. The wife pays the majority of the bills. The husband uses his money to buy toys-legos, warhammer, etc. We got there and the wife had been cleaning. She got up early and cleaned. Wife and I went window shopping and I took her out to lunch. When we got back, she continued doing laundry. After a while, she asked me to help her move a mattress. I asked Skinny to help us move it before the boys went to lunch and the husband complained that we made them late. I also asked Skinny to bring us something sweet after their lunch. Later that evening, the guys were still playing their game so she made her husband dinner. He didn't want to come downstairs yet so the girls went for a walk. As soon as Skinny won the game, the husband came downstairs and started eating (this was at 9pm).

What you might notice is how much the woman carries the two of them. She cooks, cleans, puts money in the bank account. She has a lot of pressure. and now...She's pregnant.

Normally, when people tell me they're expecting, I'm happy. This time, I'm nervous.

I got in the car and looked at Skinny and said "I love you." He said he felt the same way. We like how our relationship works. Even though we might be mad at each other or say stupid things-overall we're a team. We have a team mindset. I have no hard feelings towards Skinny about anything. Yes I make more. Yes I do more housework but he does more yard work. He works harder. I don't think of income as my money. It's our money. It's not my kitchen or his yard. It's our house and our property.

Except the cat. He gets the cat ;)

The madness continues!

Well Skinny is mad at me. I don't really know why but it's alright. I have this theory, if you can't express your emotions and tell me why you're upset, it's not my issue. If you have a problem with something I've done, and you tell me, I will try not to do it again.

Today hasn't exactly been the best of days. I'm allergic to beef. I have been testing it out the past few weeks and trying to sneak a bite in here or there. Well today, I tried. And the rest of the afternoon, I felt bad.

I get home and piss Skinny off and so now I'm blogging my dirty laundry. I really should be working on cleaning. We have the home inspection for our little girl tomorrow. I'm pretty pumped. I know I could clean it enough in 4 hours to make it look awesome. I started laundry and have pulled weeds. I just need to dust and vacuum a bit. The couch looks a little on the rough side but it is a cream colored couch and my animals are black and we do a lot of DIY stuff so we don't always have clean bottoms when we sit.

Then to make matters more odd, the dog won't stop barking at the neighbors. I'm not sure why but it's a new annoyance. It does break the silence of Skinny not talking to me though.

So yeah, that ramble is brought to you by the letter W.

W can be used in words like WHINE as well as words like WINE which might also be the solution here.

Hope on the horizon.

I don't know who came up with that saying...but....she was a genius!

A few weeks ago, Skinny and I were looking to adopt another dog. It'll never be like our little guy but we really wanted a little girl to complete our family.

Things were going rough guys. I mean I drove 2 hours to find out a dog had gotten adopted.

I spent 3 hours on an application and when the person emailed me back, they had JUST gotten off the phone with someone giving her away when my email came through.

Then, I spent another 2 hours on an application and she got adopted at a pets mart the next day.

FatWife was fighting off tears of sadness. I was obviously great luck for a dog. If they really needed a home, all they needed was for me to try to adopt them and BAM someone would get them. Just not me of course!

We were being picky. We wanted another one to match this little guy. We wanted a black dachshund/lab (or dachshund/something) mix. We wanted a female. We wanted her to be about 1-2  years old.

I started expanding my horizons. And it happened. On Saturday, I was looking at applications and I saw her. She was gorgeous. She was a dachshund mix. She was female. She was 1 years old. And she was Blonde!

I spent a couple of hours working on the application but did the application as soon as I saw her. The next day, we had a phone interview. This is the furthest I've gotten with a rescue so I was ecstatic. Thursday, we have our home inspection and she arrives Saturday!

I wish she would be here by the 4th but I'm super happy with it either way. :)

Friendship+Work Hours=Fun!

That's actually a new mathematical equation that I have solved.

I had a friend from college drop by today and job shadow me. It was awesome. Not only did she get to see what I do for a living but she learned stuff. She was completely impressed by what I did and I found it hilarious. I take for granted my knowledge mainly because I feel I have a lot left to learn before I can retire.

It made me truly enjoy my job. You don't realize how good you have it sometimes. During lunch, I took her to the cafeteria and we met with another girl that use to work with me that is now working at the hospital instead. She gave her insight on what you can do in the clinical world of dietetics.

I also introduced her to my boss who discussed other career in nutrition ideas. The more I heard about what we do and what we don't have to do, the more I appreciated my job.

The day went by super fast. I couldn't believe it when it was time to go home.

I know that some days are terrible and I dread aspects of my days. Other days are fantastic. All and all, life's too short to not enjoy what you do...just like AwesomeBoss always told me!

Clean underwear....under where?

So seriously...how is it I never can find what I'm looking for when I'm getting ready for work. It's like I'm unable to function. I wake up fine and then just feel like I can't figure out what I'm doing. Seriously!?! I've been working at this job for 4 years. I should know my own routine by now!

This morning I woke up and found that Skinny had not put the clothes in the dryer like I thought he had. This is my fault. I heard the dryer going and thought "Aw....Skinny changed the clothes over." I was shocked when I found that Skinny had not...instead he had used the dryer and a dryer sheet to make one shirt smell good.

The icthy.b wife in me put all the wet clothes in on top of his dry and fresh smelling shirt. Because lets face it, a dryer sheet should be used for a load of clothes not a single shirt.

ANYWAYS, my whole day was off. Again, this is not his fault. I should have known better than to think he was helping with the laundry. I had to fish through a pile of clothes that don't really fit for a pair of underwear that was dry.

They were tight. Tight with my muffin top hanging over cause my underwear was cutting off my circulation. I wore a jacket over my outfit so no one could tell how tight they were but I knew.

It did humor me that this jacket hasn't been worn since 15lbs ago and people kept saying "I can really tell you're still losing."I had gained over the past month so that was a confidence boost.

Thank you SkinnyHusband for not drying my underwear so I had to wear older tighter underwear that embarrassed my stomach and I hid behind a jacket which ended in compliments.

You never know where life is going to take you!

These are too small to be mine but I hope to be that tiny one day!

Obsession....

Last week, Skinny said I could get another dog. Now we know how much I love my dog...to have two would be amazing. Since then, I've been super focused on trying to find one that fits in our family.

I found one that needed a home at a high kill shelter, drove all the way down there to discover it was already adopted.

Then I spent 3 hours filling out another application for a rescue only to get an email as soon as I sent it in that the dog we found had been given to another family right before they got my application.

I should take this as a sign of we're not ready. I spend a lot of time with my little man. I don't know if he would handle having 2 happily or be jealous.

Since our second let down, I've been trying to find another one. I have spent all day googling. I don't want to miss getting my little girl.

Maybe something will happen and we'll get an email that the rescue has one for us!

Anyways, it's been a good weekend.

My Awesome Dog saying "Mom....I need a sister"

Why the binge?!

I keep having days of good and days of bad. The past 2 days I've binged. I don't know what triggered it.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store. I was buying supplies for a dessert I was making for my Father in Law's father's day dinner. Before I knew it, I loaded up the cart with CRAP-little debbie cakes, pepperoni pizza, cheez its...

I got in the car and broke them open. I couldn't even wait to get them unloaded in the house. Before I knew it, I had eaten 3 snacks. That's insane. That's 1000 calories! I tried to lessen the load by hiding them. That worked for the rest of the day.

Today, when I got in the car, I reached for where they were hidden and BAM...food consumed. It's like I'm old Karen. Not this new happy and healthy girl. I tracked the food. I would gain 10lbs in 5 weeks at this rate.

I'm so disappointed in me.

I'm still thinking the trigger was what I knew I was going into. I also went to the store hungry. This morning, I felt trapped and alone and vulnerable.

The power of rest and relaxation

I'm trying something new recently. I'm trying hypnosis. I'm not really sure if it works or not but it helps with relaxation. I started doing it during my lunch break. I can eat my lunch in between clients but the relaxation is amazing!

I always feel like the day runs smoother after I've finished. I want to accomplish more. I want to eat better. I shall continue this even if it doesn't "work" the relaxation works!

To be happy like a dog!

I know everyone thinks they have the best dog in the world, but I know I actually do. He's a mess really. I can't imagine our life without him.

What makes this guy so cool? He's slightly neurotic. We made the mistake of playing with a laser when we first got him so now he's nuts about shadows and flashes and lights. We also made the mistake of getting him to dig on pillows. All of this resulted in a crazy neurotic but amazingly cute dog.

My neurotic little guy trying to find the light from the flash.

He pees and poops outside. And he trained himself within a week of living with us to do it. He has had an accident maybe 10 times total including when he threw up cause he was sick a few times. He even lets me know when he needs to go out-whines by the door. Whines loud if it's urgent.

My dog is smart. As soon as he comes inside from the heat or if he's been running a lot, he runs to the ac vent and lays on it.

He leaves lots of nose art on my windows so everyone can see that my dog is amazing.

One of my favorite things about my dog is his lack of need for us. He gets excited when we get home, but when he's wanting to play, he'll toss the toy for himself and run after it. He'll take off running all over the house.

It's what I find amazing about my dog. MotherDearest has once said that he is the happiest dog she's ever met. He's fearless and happy. I strive to be that happy one day.

Sometimes the days are harder than other but I find laughter helps and smiling makes life much easier.

Touche Body

Somedays are just bad when it comes to the diet. I had the pizza last night...almost a whole one...I don't know what happened! It was like the fat kid escaped and not only did I eat the crappy pizza, I ate the ice cream too.

And now it's 2am, I'm sitting on the toilet hating myself. Mentally, I'm fine. Physically, not so much.

It's like that girl that typed this blog 2 months ago escaped and the fat one she was trying not to be came back. Mr.Body said "no bitch...we don't need that girl around."

I know it is because of my medication. Knowing that doesn't solve the problem though.

What's a little funny to me is the fact that I don't want pizza for a while but we are eating with SkinnyHusband's family tonight and they are picking one up before we come over. :/

OTTNOFW

No wonder I'm fat!

My mother is a couponer. I love that about her. It's kind of my fault. I use to coupon a lot-especially when I was single and lived near a certain grocery store. Now, I send my mom the coupons and she fills up my house.

This weekend, she brought up a load of stuff. It's lovely stuff but now we have excess in the house. She brought up 5 things of cake mix and 2 things of brownie mix. She brought up frozen pizzas and frozen burritos. She brought up dozens of eggs and ice cream. SkinnyHusband already broke into the brownie mix and the ice cream and the burritos. I'm having trouble reminding myself that I don't need that crap.

It's hard sometimes to look around, realize that what everyone else is eating isn't what you need to eat. I just want to sit back and say "Well he can eat it!"

I should know by now that if I eat out, and I don't exercise, and I eat dessert...I will gain. In fact, I have gained. I've gained 5lbs back! Tomorrow, I'm waking up early and walking. I don't care if it's raining or if it's snowing or if it's 100* at 6am, I'm walking.

I kind of want to do the C25K app...but not sure I'm ready to mentally aim for that yet.
Maybe next week?

Now, to walk in the kitchen, get some water, and NOT get something delicious.

Falling off the wagon

I haven't been "thinking" much lately. I felt I was doing fine with life. Walking, swimming, kind of eating alright. Yesterday, I was leaving to go out of town with my boss when she asked what I wanted for dinner. When she told me what she had to eat that day, I told her what I had eaten and she says "Fallen off the wagon huh?"

I just looked at her. I have! I've fallen off the wagon! And the worst part for me was that I didn't even realized it. I knew I wasn't losing weight. I was staying around the same a pound here or there but overall, around the same.

I haven't been eating my fruits and vegetables. I haven't been drinking my water. I haven't been doing ANYTHING that I'm suppose to do-other than exercising.

I guess that's what happens when you take the careless route....

My goal today: EAT FRUITS AND VEGETABLES!

Family Fun In The Sun

This past weekend, some of my family was in town from Delaware. I love this family dearly. My Great Aunt is always a treat and my cousins are wonderful. I met them at the Washingon Duke Inn and enjoyed the golf tournament. Then, we went swimming followed by a family dinner and chilling while talking until late.

It was such a relief to enjoy quality family time. I forgot how much I love being around them. They are so easy to be around. We went swimming and laughed and played. It was like being a kid again.

I'm really happy that I got to spend time with them. I spend a lot of time with SkinnyHusband's family.

I found that from that adventure, all I want to do is swim. It felt like my childhood was not over. If it wasn't raining right now, I'd be in the pool!

The Sacrifices We Make(***Delete if Revealed***)

I really love SkinnyHusband's siblings.  I think of them like they're my own. My sister in laws and brother in law make me laugh. One of the best things we do is we have sibling night. BeatuifulSister's boyfriend also comes cause he will be married in before you know it. When the siblings are all together, it's fantastic. The moment MotherDearest shows up, it gets more stressful. Sometimes it turns out fine. Sometimes, it does not.

We've been asking brother in law to host for a while. He finally decided to throw an event but he invited the whole family. I was planning on going and bringing a sweet treat. When I went to ShySister's game, MotherDearest was discussing the party at Brothers. Today, she called to tell us what we would be doing for the party. She suggested either a dessert or an appetizer. When SkinnyHusband said we would figure something out, she told us we would be bringing texmex dip.

I'm all for helping when asked. Brother In Law didn't ask for help. MotherDearest overtook the situation and it is no longer BrotherB's event. It's still at his house though.

I really wanted to go to his house. This is the first event I've been invited to there. I wanted to laugh and play with his doggie and the siblings. I'm going to miss out by not going.

But I'm aware that MotherDearest with cause me anxiety and stress with her high anxiety and stress.

The good news is I will be able to spend the afternoon with my family going home to see them for the first time in a while. I will be able to enjoy a calm evening with mine.

Sometimes you have to accept your weaknesses to find happiness. For me, I know I can't be around MotherDearest right now. One day, I might be able to admit to her how much she frustrates me but I know right now I will just eat instead. Here's to happiness and confidence!

(The good news is I talked to BeautifulSister and she's unable to go as well so it isn't a real sibling night!)

The Failure of Planning (***Delete if revealed***)

I am really hoping that my mother in law never finds this blog. I say that for one reason, she's a huge trigger for me. Part of my reasoning for needing to secretly blog is this whole feeling that sometimes I can't express myself completely. I have a slightly secret world that I live in. I don't want to frustrate anyone or annoy anyone or piss anyone off.

Online, I can do that because I don't know you folks.

Yesterday, I contacted my ShySister to ask her when her next softball game was and she informed me that it was that night. I asked what time to be there and she told me it started at 8 but she wouldn't be there until 8:30. When she came, my mother in law informed me that they were late because she had her band concert. As soon as I heard that news, I tensed up and shut down a bit. I didn't want to appear rude or frustrated so I responded with quietness.

My mother in law is a spread the news kind of woman. I try to go to my little sisters games and concerts and events because I think it's important that she feels loved and connected to her older siblings. She is a lot like SkinnyHusband. If you ask him something, he answers the question but doesn't add information. It would have been easy for me to say "The game starts at 8 but I won't be there until 8:30 because my band concert is before."  ShySister literally answered the question-she would be there at 8:30.

I've asked my mother in law before when was ShySister's next concert. I've asked multiple times always answered with "I'll let you know when I know." ShySister is only 13. Her life is focused on friends and popularity and not being embarrassed by her parents right now. She doesn't normally inform us of anything but always is happy to see us.

When I asked BeautifulSister if she knew about the concert and she admitted that MotherDearest had indeed told her. She thought everyone knew.  BeautifulSister said "I think she's been stressed lately so she probably forgot to mention it."

She has time to mention her new patio furniture 4x's and the free vacation she won multiple times but not let her son (SkinnyHusband) know that his sister has an important event.

This isn't the first time MotherDearest has done this. It won't be the last. SkinnyHusband is use to this kind of behavior. I don't know if I will ever be use to it.

MotherDearest is always more stressed. Her life is always more important than ours. She always has SOOOOOOO MUCH going on. She always has deserved a vacation more than anyone. Her husband is the worst (Which is bullshit cause he's a great man-I love my father in law...don't know how he puts up with it all).

The whole time we were there she tried to talk about stuff I could care less about and I was unable to stop myself. She wanted to discuss how she should decorate her patio now that she has furniture. She wanted to talk about how terrible her day was and how dramatic

Skinny and I never had a honeymoon. We couldn't afford it at the time. We both work all day to live a decent life. I'm actually happy with our life. We spend a lot of time together. We make each other happy. We try not to brag about whatever we've bought or live extravagantly. He's my everything.

My MotherDearest failed to provide us with plans. I failed to plan on seeing her. I failed to figure out my escape from words I knew she was going to say. And what ended up happening was I ate an extra slice of pizza. Therefore I failed to stay strong because I failed to plan on seeing her.

There is no result to this day. It's just a rant about life and failures. But thanks for reading and I hope tomorrow is better.

My Board of Smiles

At my job, we're encouraged to provide bulletin boards with nutritional information on them. A few years ago, I had a bulletin board with lots of pretty nutrition pictures and put up posters and then people complained my office was too "junky." 

Since then, I've left the posters up but replaced my board with pictures of my family and friends and happy times. I can't tell you how many times I've looked up at the board and laughed or smiles or almost shed a tear thinking about how great a day was or how much fun an event was or how much I love someone.

When life gets a little stressful at work, I just look at my board and smile. I think it's important to surround yourself with happiness when you're working on your own happiness.

This week has been rough at work. People blaming me for them not being quick enough at their jobs. People blaming me for not doing their job (no lie). People blaming me for starving their babies. It's been a lot of blame and a lot of disconnecting.

But the Board of Smiles has helped. Walking has helped. Swimming has helped. And lastly AwesomeBoss has helped. I saw her tonight and it really made my day. She has no idea how happy I am when I get to see her. (Maybe she does if she reads this post...but if I could work with one person again-it would be her).

Why do your legs twitch?

I am really enjoying my walks. I sleep better. I feel better. I relax easier. Overall, I think it helps everything. Most of the time, I walk right after I wake up so I run and shower immediately after.

Since it's memorial day weekend, I've had 4 days in a row off. I've been walking whenever I wanted. Today, as soon as I finished the walk, I went and enjoyed the lovely outdoors. My legs up resting, I realized how much my legs twitch after my journey.

Do they normally do this? I have no idea...they stopped after 15 minutes but it was an awkward feeling. I think the human body is an amazing thing. The breaking down of protein to build stronger protein. Very cool.

This weekend was a bit easier than other weekends. I am back on my meds. I had relaxing time with my SkinnyHusband, BeautifulSister, and my parents. I accomplished some housework. SkinnyHusband accomplished some outdoor work. I've stayed hydrated. I've eaten my fruits. I hope this week is as marvelous as this weekend.

And I want to say a brief thank you to all the troops and their families who fight for our freedom and give their lives for their country. I might not support war but I support those that fight.



Restful peace after a lovely walk.



The little things we take for granted

There are a million things in life that I know I take for granted. I know I am very fortunate to have a job, a house, a car, a husband that loves me, a dog that loves me, a cat that doesn't bit me. I know these things but one of the things I really take for granted is how easy it is in life for me.

That might sound terrible. In fact, just rereading it sounds terrible. Things are not always "easy" but they're a heck of a lot easier than it could be. I was born American. I was raised speaking English. I live in a world that speaks my native language. That is something that I take for granted everyday.

Earlier today, I had a new mom in my office that was not taking her medication because A) She didn't want to ruin her breastmilk and B) she didn't know how to take them. I don't want to get political on here because honestly, your opinion is your opinion and mine is mine but I felt so sorry for her. Here's a woman in pain, risking infection, not taking care of herself because she can't. I'm sure a nurse came in and told her what medications to take before she left and might have said it too quickly or she forgot. When she filled the prescription at Wal-Mart, the label was printed in English.

With the languages that are spoken in this country, how often is this happening? I am very fortunate to work with girls that are helpful and patient and helped me explain to the mom the importance of the medication she was suppose to be taking. They also transcribed the labels for me while I researched their breastfeeding safety. The doctor did a great job when she was in the hospital getting her medication that was breastfeeding friendly.

I'm sure that one day, they'll have a button that you can click that would transcribe the language on the label for you and they might even do that sometimes. It made me rethink how I've been doing stuff. I have at least 1 new mom in my office everyday that speaks and reads Spanish. I really will start paying more attention to the medications now because I am sure she's not the only one that needed help with it.

Please, take a moment today and think about something you take for granted...let someone know how much they mean to you or how much you appreciate them. I don't know who to tell that I appreciate that my language is everywhere. Maybe SkinnyHusband and Kreacher.

Oh heck...here's a picture of that cute little guy!


They're both cute and little though ;)



Must....take....medication....

For the past few months, I've been taking a medication for my ovaries. It causes me to lose some of my appetite. It also seems to help with abdominal fat (it might not, but I feel like it does). I finally got on my regimen and took it everyday for 6 weeks and something happened last week and I forgot.

Since then, I've been hit and miss.

And my habits have been hit and miss.

I'm seeing a correlation with this medication and my diet.

I really need to get back on to making sure to take it everyday. When I took it everyday, I felt like a million bucks. I felt like I was in control of everything.

I promise you reader that I will do better. I promise you that I will take my medication every night and I will refill it in a timely manner.

OTTNOFW

I understand friendship....

Some of my friends and family know that I'm writing this blog. I've only let one person know what the blog itself is and that's AwesomeBoss. One of the reasons for that is that I don't want to feel like I have to censor myself. I can talk shit about my life and my ups and downs and not worry. It's not that I don't love people enough to give them the name, it's just that I love myself enough to know how I react when people know what I'm thinking. (But AwesomeBoss knows me well enough to not worry or judge...part of the reason she's so Awesome!)

This weekend, a good friend came and hung out with us. Missie is upset with me for not letting her know the name of the blog.  She's a sweet girl but she is very focused on the looks and the number. She sees her wedding photos and says "I was so skinny there. I've gained 17lbs." I look in my wedding photos and yes I'm much chunkier, but I was so happy and that's what I remember about that day. It's not the looks weight wise, it's the looks happiness wise.

I think when you're getting healthier, people comment mostly about your looks "You look so good! How much weight have you lost?!" or "Your pants are looking baggy, that's great!" I like to hear these things too but I also love things like "FatWife, you've been doing great working out before work, I'm so proud of you." My sister provides these comments for me. If I have a NSV, I tell her and she tells me how awesome I am. Motivation is important.

SkinnyHusband made a comment about Missie this weekend and how she is always commenting on what he eats. When he eats something bad, Missie will say "How can you eat like that and stay so skinny?!" and when he eats something healthy that she doesn't like, she'll say "that's how you stay so skinny, eating stuff that no one likes." These kinds of comments when you're aiming for health make a difference on your attitude. It makes me think about all the food I eat and if I'm going to be judged for eating a slice of pizza or a banana.

I mean no harm for Missie not being able to read my blog. When she does find this blog, I hope she won't think badly about the stuff I've said. I just don't know if I need her to read my personal thoughts and feelings yet. I hope when she finds the blog, she won't tell me she is reading it.

She has 17lbs to lose. I have 9x's that amount to be where I should be...weight loss isn't easy no matter how much or how little but it's almost easier for me to express my feelings to complete strangers than someone that has known me for 14 years. Maybe she'll lose her 17lbs before I lose my 150lbs but maybe I'll be there first. You never know where life will take you. I just know I'm starting to be the girl I've always wanted to be.